ColdClan: Sky Of Blood [2]

14. Sunstorm

The days since Owlfoot's death had been hard and heavy. The dark thoughts clouding Sunstorm's mind were beginning to take their toll. 

Berrystep and Skyleap had expressed their worries for her directly, both telling her that they were there if she needed to talk. But she didn't want to talk. What was the point of talking? What she had done was unspeakable. She'd pretty much murdered a cat.

Owlfoot. She told herself. Not just any cat. Your friend. Who you should have been there for.

It didn't help that Magpiefur, whom had been mates with Owlfoot since they were young warriors, wasn't eating properly. Whenever the black she-cat saw Sunstorm, she couldn't meet her gaze, and the medicine cat was painfully aware of it. And those poor kits of theirs, only just turned six moons... so young to lose their father. 

How poignant that she knew how it felt to live fatherless. Except at least her own father was still alive, even if he had betrayed their clan.

The only thing keeping her head above water was Spidertail's unwavering care for her. Every sunup, he would arrive at the medicine cat den entrance to share a mouse (her favourite) with her. Though she didn't eat much of it, just being in his company relaxed her and made her forget about the outside world for a heartbeat. Even when he was supposed to be on dawn patrol, she'd still find him visiting her. No doubt this was frowned upon by Mudstar and Redflight, but both toms knew the pain Sunstorm was feeling, so gave Spidertail a free pass.

Having him there to wake her up every morning stopped her spiralling too far in to the chasm she was desperately grappling the edges of. "Owlfoot's death wasn't your fault." He'd repeat to her gently, his voice so sure of itself. Pressing his tabby head to her ginger, the warmth of the moment was enough to bring anyone back to joy. It was when she was left with her own thoughts which were the hardest moments, where her own mind bullied her into the shadows of oblivion.

Sunstorm hated herself so the rest of the clan didn't have to. 

Nonetheless, it was a welcome change having Spidertail by her side. Sunstorm truly considered him one of her best friends and would trust him with her life. It had been funny, actually; the more time she'd spent with Trek, the less she'd seen of Spidertail. That is, except his jealous glances he shot at her whenever her and the red-rosetted Scraps tom spoke to one another. It had really made her feel uncomfortable, so she'd avoided many conversations with Trek.

Yes, of course, if she was a warrior she would perhaps of taken him as a mate. But she wasn't even truly sure he'd like her in that way, and they both were strong followers of the warrior code. They'd stick to it as long as they both had air in their lungs.

Wouldn't they?

 As she sat in her den, staring blankly into space, the sound of paws on the dirt outside alerted her to a presence. She didn't turn around, but flicked her ears back to listen. 

"It's me. It's Skyleap." The familiar scent of her sister filtered through her nose, but she gave no mew of greeting.

"I'm busy." Sunstorm stated coldly, standing up to move towards her herbs.

The bright silver pelt of her sister bristled up next to her. "Yeah, no you're not."

Ignoring her sister, the medicine cat continued to fumble about with her things. Poppy seeds, yarrow, lavender... 

"Stop shutting everyone out, Sunstorm. It isn't healthy."

Skyleap's pleading fell on deaf ears. The ginger she-cat truly felt that her mother and sister were better off not worrying about her so much. What if one of them got sick? Or worse, Skyleap's kits? And what if she couldn't save them? No, she would much rather suffer alone -- even though she could feel herself drowning. This mistake she'd made, forgetting to double check Owlfoot for injuries... this was her burden to bear.