A Chance For Growth III

Not What I Want, but What I Need

Early update was getting sleepy. Enjoy. ~ Zeno

[If you need a recap go back a chapter.]

Taraji could feel their eyes on her before they said anything. She didn't want to be spoken to, she wanted to be ignored. It was ideal for her, but every time she woke up somebody wanted to talk. She heard someone sigh before they came close to her bed.

"Babe....." His soft voice called, her heart clenched her breath stuttering.

"Come on....please eat." He spoke setting a tray of food down.

He sighed when she still lay dead and motionless facing the wall. Walking around the bed he stood in her view but she didn't look up. He squatted down wanting her attention. His eyes swollen and puffy, bags under them. His hair was uncombed and for the first time ever he was dressed in sweats and a sweater out in public. Normally he would dress up but his pain refused to let him try. Looking at him pulled a sob from her.

"Baby stop." He pleaded his own voice cracking.

Why couldn't she have her baby? Why did she have to die? What did she do wrong? Why was she such a failure? Why won't they just let her be swallowed up by the darkness? It was better that way.

"Its not your fault, it's not your fault." He spoke climbing into her bed.

He let hiself cry with her just this once. He needed to be strong for her. He had to be..there was no other way. Her eyes seemed dull and dead. She refused to eat, refused to look you in the eyes. They were glad she at least talked, but they needed her to eat so she could have medicine for her pain. The doctors didn't plan on releasing her until she was in a stable mind, until then they had her on watch.

"I'm sorry." She whimpered burying her face into his chest. He shushed her wiping her eyes.

"......we have to talk about things baby.....we can't just.." He felt her pulling away and it broke his heart. Just like that she would recoil into herself at anytime the baby was brought up.

"I know you don't want to hear it. But Nyah needs peace....she needs it baby. Your mother thinks we should cremate her so we can..."

"GET OUT!" Taraji screamed covering her ears.

She smacked his hands away from her nearly shoving him away. A daily occurrence now, she got angry and aggressive often. When the doctors wanted to do an ultrasound to make sure she was all cleaned out she nearly ripped their heads off. They had to sedate her to calm her down enough to do the check.

"I need to go home and get a shower. I'll be back as soon as I'm done." He sighed wiping his arms hardening up again. She looked up at him for once meeting his eyes. He bent down resting his forehead against hers.

"I'm holding on.....i need you to as well." He whispered confusing her. Placing a kiss on her head he walked to the door. She went back to staring at the wall blankly. Bernice peeked in the room as Micheal came out. He shook his head at her and sighed.

"Go ahead and go through with the cremation. She's not in her right mind and I know for a fact she won't sit through a funeral. Neither will the kids, they hate them." Bernice sighed shaking her head, he nodded his head rubbing his eyes.

"You've been here all night. Go home, shower, get some sleep. Taraji will be right here. You need to grieve properly and you can't do that with her. I know you want to but Taraji doesn't grieve she finds away to compact it and lock it away." Bernice spoke, Micheal nodded feeling the truth in her words. Bernice hugged him feeling like he needed it.