I'll be There

Chapter 5

Grayson opened the front door and I slowly made my way to Graysons room. I climbed straight into his bed and curled up in a ball. I just stared at the window and focused all my attention on the sunlight shining through. It made no sense to me how I felt like complete and utter shit emotionally and physically yet today could be so goddamn sunny out.

"Hey..would it be alright if I at least take off your shoes." Grayson asked, snapping me out of my thoughts and approaching me slowly. Timidly almost, as if he was afraid that if he made the wrong sudden movement I'd crumble into a million pieces and quite frankly I don't think that thought process is too far off. I didn't even feel like opening my mouth so I just barely nodded.

Grayson stared at me as he gently grabbed my ankle and removed one shoe. He of course noticed how my body began to shake so he quickly and still just as gently removed my other shoe.

"I'm so fucking sorry E. I should've been there. I should've been with you last night. It was your birthday for fucks sake. You fucking love you're birthday and I wasn't even there for you and look what happened." He paused and stared. "E?" He took another pause. "Ethan?..Alright well I'll let you get some rest. I'll come back in to give you your meds in a couple of hours, get some sleep." Grayson moved forward quickly as a force of habit to give me a quick kiss on the cheek goodnight. It was a routine of ours. That didn't stop me from visibly flinching and cowering at his sudden movement. I jumped back and brought my arms up to my chest and I took ragged breaths. Grayson could see that he startled me.

Sadness,regret and a hint of pity washed over his face. He halted immediately. "Shit..I'm sorry. I..should I just leave you alone?" I slowly turned back onto my side and continued to stare out into the distance. He took my lack of response as a cue to leave me alone and exited the room. "Alright..get some rest E. Just know I love you man."

3rd person P.O.V

Grayson was exhausted when he left Ethan alone in his room, why had Ethan gone straight to his room anyway he wondered? He sat himself on the couch of their shared apartment as he kept replaying the events of last night in his mind. Grayson had stayed up all night by Ethan's side waiting for him to come to and hear the news that he's okay.

One thing Grayson couldn't quite shake from his mind was the image of Ethan battered and bloody laying on the cement floor and then laying unresponsive in a hospital bed all night. He had never seen something so brutal. An overwhelming sadness washed over Grayson as the events of last night really sunk in. Tears began to escape from his eyes quietly as he desperately tried to hold himself together for Ethan's sake. Ethan needs him and he sure as hell is not going to let him down again.

Grayson took a sharp intake of breath as he wiped his eyes roughly. He stayed sat on the couch lost in thought until he began to doze off.

*Hours later*

Grayson woke startled, to the shrill noise of petrified screaming coming from his room. "ETHAN!" He sprang up as he ran to the screaming boy. He burst through the door of his room without so much as a knock only to be faced with Ethan shaking violently as he screamed sitting up with his face in hands as those screams turned into sobs of rage and fear.

Grayson ran to comfort the terrified boy in front of him, he swooped him into a strong embrace as he stroked his hair desperately while whispering "shhh, you're okay Ethan. I'm here. It was just an awful dream. You're safe now. I'm not going anywhere." He now rocked him securely in his arms. Ethan's breathing eventually calmed down and his sobs ceased, soon enough he was zoned out in this strong boys embrace until he eventually realized where he was and what was going on, panic began to surge through this scared boy again.

"Please let go of me." He whispered while squirming under Graysons firm grip.
"What?"
"Let go of me. Please Gray." He said just above a whisper and all but cried it. Grayson let go right away but did not give the fragile small seeming boy (although they are roughly the same size) distance. He watched as Ethan curled himself into the fetal position as fresh tears began to form in his eyes. Grayson couldn't help the sympathy tears that began to form in his eyes as well. "Ethan? E? You..you ok?" He said carefully knowing full well that that was a stupid question. What he didn't expect was for the fragile boy in front of him to look up and meet his eyes and rapidly shake his head no. "How can I help? Please E, let me help."

"I don't know" Ethan deadpanned through tears. " I really don't know Gray. I'm so scared. I don't want to remember. I don't want to feel like this anymore!" He sobbed louder.
Grayson paused. He proceeded to cautiously ask "Remember what..?" He asked with an idea in mind but hoping against hope that he was wrong. He made eye contact with Ethan and to his surprise, Ethan maintained it. Ethan's sobs deepened. "I *deep sob* I was raped Grayson." Ethan chocked out quickly as his he averted his eyes and curled himself further into the fetal position. Grayson's heart instantly dropped, while he already assumed that as worst case scenario based of Ethan's injuries and his current state it was still completely jarring and off putting to hear Ethan say it out loud.

"E. I know nothing feels okay right now and I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through but you're safe now. And you're not alone. Hell, I'll never leave you alone again if that's what it takes. Whenever you need me, I'll be there. You have me Ethan. I can't tell you how to heal and sure as hell won't tell you how to react but please I'm begging, don't shut me out. Let me be here for you. Please?" Ethan looked up slowly. "O..okay." Ethan sadly responded. Grayson didn't make a move even though it took everything in him not to throw himself on the boy in front of him and wrap him in his embrace. Grayson instead shot Ethan a small smile. "Okay. First things first, here are your meds for the pain." He said grabbing them from the bed side table and handing them to Ethan with the glass of water also left there.
"Thank you Gray." Ethan said timidly.
"I'll do anything for you E."
"Gray?"
"Yeah"
"Can you..do you think maybe.."
"You can ask E."
"Would you mind sleeping here with me tonight but not touching me please?"
"Of course."
"I..I know it sounds rude but i really don't want to be touched right now."
"Ethan. This falls under anything you know." Grayson said with a light chuckle to his voice as he carefully laid down with the boy next to him.
"Take however long you need. We're doing this at your pace."
"Thank you Grayson."
Grayson smiled at the boy next to him who was still completely exhausted and was drifting into sleep. A slight smile tugged on Graysons lips as his heart still broke for this person before him that he loved so dearly. He wasn't the least bit tired and he couldn't bring himself to tear his eyes away from his Ethan.