Run

Chapter Twenty-Six

I wake up the next morning, very early. I look over at the clock and see it isn't even ten yet, so I roll over and try to go back to sleep. That idea is out the window when I am stunned awake seeing Alex asleep against the door.

"Alex?" I let out a harsh whisper, "Alex what are you doing?"

He doesn't move or respond. I reach behind me to grab a pillow to chuck at him. When it hits him he jumps.

"What the hell was that for?" He moans as he halfheartedly throws the pillow back.

"Why are you sleeping by the door?"

"I don't know..." He squints when I turn on the light, "Thought maybe I could protect you more or at least make you feel safe if I did."

I smile, stunned for a moment, "Thank you, Alex."

He returns my smile as we both get up and greet the day reluctantly. I pull out fresh clothes while he changes in the bathroom. I also empty my backpack to fill it with my art supplies and my wallet.

He steps out and takes my backpack while I go to get dressed. I pull my clothes and makeup bag into the bathroom to quickly get ready. I slip on my jeans and stare at myself in the mirror until my eyes hurt. Even after I'm dressed and have my makeup on, I'm watching the mirror, I'm watching to make sure there are no bruises.

Shaking myself back to reality, I leave the bathroom and take my bag from Alex. I try not to show how shaken I am, but I can tell he knows something is up, even if he's not 100% sure what.

"So where are we going?" I ask as I grip my shoulder strap.

"I was thinking that we could set you up to draw for most of the day, then maybe go around town and look at the shops at stuff. If we're only staying two more days, might as well have some fun. Does that sound good?"

I nod and take a deep, shakey breath. I want out of this room, I want to leave and never come back to it. Two days, that's all I have to get through.

We walk around town together, I watch intently as Alex points at different shops and tourist traps. One store catches my eye. A little Christmas shop. It hits me how close we are to Christmas. It hits me that this might be the first time mom and I aren't together for Christmas.

I don't realize that I've stopped until Alex is lightly shaking my shoulder.

"Are you ok?"

"It's December, soon it will be Christmas and... I--I'm not home... I didn't sit with my mom with a calculator seeing if we could get a tree. I won't be there to decorate it with her or make those cheap cookies she loves," I start crying, "I won't be able to pull enough extra shifts to buy her a gift. I won't be able to go to the dollar store and find some adorable, corny wrapping paper to make her smile. I won't be able to wrap it and hide it under the tree and watch her open it over hot chocolate. Alex, I won't be home for Christmas, for the first time in my life I will not be home for Christmas!"

He looks stunned. I can't hold back the tears as the pain and guilt of being alone, leaving my mother alone, at Christmas. The thought of her sitting at home alone on one of her few days off, on a day she always spends with me, kills me. Alex pulls me away behind one of the stores to calm me down.

"You need to take a breath, I want to let you release these feelings but in public it'll draw too much attention to us. What can I do to help make it better? What can I do to make you feel better?"

I sniffle and sob, trying not to burst into hysterics. I look up at him in embarrassment, "I don't like this, I don't want to be this person! God, before last month you barely knew who I was and now you're seeing me a slopping mess? My best friend, my own mother doesn't usually see me this emotional, I don't get this emotional! I'm usually in control, and then you kicked my feet out from under me! You made a stupid decision, and I've lost everything I've known for it! I want to be home for Christmas!"