Run

Chapter Thirty-Six

My head hurts. Alex stands there watching me, not saying a word. I think the silence is making my headache worse than the yelling did.

"So was I right?" He shifts his gaze to the door.

"What- What do you mean?"

"Now you see me differently, don't you? You see me the way I see myself. Violent, crazed, savage, unhinged..." He takes a deep breath, I can hear it shake as the pain he's trying to hide is clear on his face. "Monster."

"Alex, I... I never said that. I'm just-"

"Scared," He gives a sad smile before looking away again, "Yeah I know. You said. That's the problem."

"What does it matter what I think? I'm not even sure I know what I think, I just... I don't know..."

"What does it matter?" I hear a genuine laugh leave him, "You're kidding aren't you? It matters Jules, you're... Different. You make me feel different, you make me feel normal, you make me think, you don't put up with my crap and you definitely put me through hell when I deserve it. You're real. I haven't had that in a long time. So yeah, what you think matters, and I'm sorry I scared you I just..." He presses his hand to the wall and leans into it, looking angry again, "I saw how he was hurting you and I couldn't take it. You've been through enough, and I hated seeing how he broke your heart."

"Why do you care so much?" I ask, my voice hushed.

He doesn't say anything at first. I start thinking he isn't going to say anything when, "There's something about you. It's something I can't explain, and I've never experienced before. You make me care, I don't know how but, I do. I care about losing you, I care about making you happy or finding out why you're sad... I care about making it all better. Like, hell, that first night when you said guys don't notice you, that killed me. You're too incredible not to notice and I could tell you right now, if I was your boyfriend I'd wait on you hand and foot, I'd shower you with affection every day, I'd do another for you..." His voice trails off as he sits on the bed next to me. "So, was I right? After all this, after seeing me and what I'm like do you think differently of me? Is my soul too dark and confusing and twisted for you?"

I stare at him, taking in his hair that has become a mess due to his stress and constant touching, I look at the sharp green eyes that just beg me for an answer. For the life of me I can't understand why my answer is so important, why I'm so important. I place my hand over his chest and smile.

"Good heart..." I chuckle. "Bad temper."

He visibly calms down. He puts his hand over mine, his warmth seeping into me. Our eyes stay locked, longer than I would expect them to, and I can't fight the fluttering feeling in my chest. The feeling fades when he comes go realize how long he's been staring, he clears his throat, pats my hand and gets off the bed.

"I still think we should leave. Tonight or tomorrow morning, it's up to you."

I feel a chuckle vibrate inside me, "How about yesterday?"

He laughs with me as he shakes his head and grabs his bag, slowly putting everything away. I don't move yet, I'm still a little shaken by what's happened. It's been... An eventful day, to say the least.

"Hey Jules?" He stops packing and looks at me. I watch him in silence, allowing him the opportunity to speak. "Thank you."

"For what?" I feel my cheeks and neck warm up.

"For being you, for being so understanding, for helping me be better. And I'm sorry about your dad."

I shake my head, "It's ok, I know you were just looking out for me. You didn't even hit him that hard." That last part is a bullshit lie.