Words That I Can't Say

The family that suffocates

There's hands around my neck, one hand....,two hands.... three...., four..... four hands that has the power to end this body with a shameful soul, to end a long-awaited death of mine.

Isn't it ironic? These same hands are also the one keeping me alive, holding my neck tight to keep me from drowning in the deep, dark, fiery hell that I, myself, created on my own.

These hands serves as my leash, I can't get away if I wanted to because I am heavily tied down with my sins. This is my punisment, this is what I get for all those bad things.

am inside a house, hands on my neck again. However, this time I can move, I can go. I can do things that I wanted to but never without this leash that pulls me back inside the house again. I badly want to get away but this leash wont let me. Turns out the house was my home, I didn't recognized it. I wondered if I really have a home. This wasn't my home. My home is far gone.

These hands....holding me...were never happy. I can feel it as its holding  my neck just before the  dark pits of hell, they burn, I know that it hurts, but I never wanted to hurt those hands they keep me alive after all. Even with the burns these hands seem to never let go, it still holds me. I can feel it giving up sometimes but still its never letting go.

As it holds on, as it burns with the flames of hell, these hands seem to get tight on me. I cannot speak, I cannot swallow, I cannot move, I cannot breathe.....I beg....I beg for it to let go...........to just let me drown in my own sea of sins.....still it doesn't......that....I realized these hands will never let go because it can never let go even if it wanted to......it is attached to me from the very beginning.

If I go into my sea....I will be dragging these hands with me.....for all that I have done.....I have dragged it and I can never undo all of it.