Words That I Can't Say

Random Thoughts

I have to ask myself why do I exist?
Why am I given this life?
What's my purpose?

I ask myself these questions everyday.
What have I done to deserve these people around me? Why did he gave me this life? The life that is so good. I can eat, sleep, clothe myself, in a luxurious way.

This life that I ruined by just one mistake.

Once in our lives we make mistakes but my mistake is not forgivable.

I think I did something bad very very bad.

Or worse I just disobeyed one of the ten commandments.

I am no Catholic but I belive in him. I have faith in him. I get strength from him, from what he blesses me.

But I have disobeyed him and this takes a toll on me. I have proclaimed myself as evil.

An evil person. I say.

But I am human and I know I won't be able to take it.

My sanity is on the line.

Why am I feeling hell? Is this already a preview of what is ahead of me or this is just a peak of what is bigger and larger suffering that I am going to face.

I am not in hell but it feels like it.

I do not blame anyone. I did it. I did this. No one is to blame. I made decisions. I deserve to suffer.

But he is my FATHER and he will help. I just need a little of him and his wisdom.

Wish me luck