Finding Myself. ~Sequel to Loosing Myself.~

~Chapter 9~

~JustinsP.O.V~

I didn't care about anything else at this point. I want Ashlee back.

If I even lost her at all.

Scurrying through the rain, I make my way to her house.

The house I practically lived in last year.

I didn't care about anyone last year, she changed me.

I can't risk loosing her now. It's crazy, to say the least. How much effect someone could have on me. Never, have I ever been one to get attactched, never mind getting into a relationship.

I'll tell you one thing though, whoever said weed wasn't addictive is a fucking bullshitter. Now, scientifically it isn't. But, if it's the thing you run to when you want an escape and to get out of this world, you have a problem with it. 

Taking out the letter Ashlee wrote, I scan it once more. My heart breaking into pieces. You couldn't even call it a letter really. A simple paragraph basically, but it hurt .More than you could imagine.

Dear my sweet Justin, 

I can't even begin to describe to you what my heart felt like when I thought you were going to break up with me. It hurts, more than you could imagine. 

But, I guess the difference between me and you are, while I'm gone, I miss you and can't wait to see you.  I crave the moments with you, I crave your laughter and how your lips taste on mine. How your eyes look lighter in the sun, how your hair is messy in the morning and how you smile as soon as you wake up because you see me. 

You, however. Just accuse me of things I didn't do and try to deal with it by trying to escape from this world. Well in reality Justin, You can't escape from a world that is so messed up that you feel you need to escape from. It will all come back as soon as the high wares of, but your doubts never will. 

So yeah, you're right. Break up with me. 

Love, 

Ashlee.

A year ago, I wouldn't of been this man. Chasing after a girl who he's in love with, a girl he's afraid of loosing. It wasn't me. I don't know how to deal with it. Hell, I want her. I've never wanted or loved something more in my whole life. I know her more than I know lyrics to my own fucking songs.

She didn't want me to leave, she never has and she never will. 

Knocking on her door, I take a step back. Soon enough, she appears, her hair up in a bun, wearing leggins and a t-shit.

'What?' she asks, her voice shaky. 

'Can we go somewh-'

I was cut off, watching her shut the door and stepping out infront of me.

'Why? So you can talk bullshit some more?'

Her voice was cold and cruel, something I've never experienced with her before. She lets out a laugh, although it's nothing like the laugh I adore. This laugh was spiteful. 

'What do you mean bullshit?' I ask her with furrowed eyebrows.

'You know, the whole, its not you its me crap. I can see right through it Justin.' She stops, licking her lips and staring at me up and down. 'I just thought maybe you were different.' 

I've never seen her look at me with such disgust and disapointed in her voice. She never expected this, I knew that.

'Ashlee please, I didn't mean anything I said, I promise' 

She scoffs, folding her arms across her chest.

'Oh, you promise? That makes it so much fucking better!' She throws her arms up in the air, just to cross them again. Why is she acting like this?

Fuck, even I know the answer to that, I'm a dick.

'You know you seem to fucking promise an awful lot.' 

'Ashlee I don't want to do this-'

'Yeah, you've made that clear'

A sigh escapes her lips, as if shes bored of me, bored of this conversation. 

I know her, I know she's not bored. She wants me to stay, she always wants me to stay.

~Ashlee's P.O.V~

It's an act. He doesn't want me. He doesn't.

I watch him walk up to me slowly, until he's standing right in front of me. His brown eyes stare in to mine and they look broken and scared.

I can't let him do this to me. I've let too many men do this to me. 

He places his hand on my face, and I wince slightly.

I can't let him do this to me.

I watch him duck his head a little, leaning into kiss me. And in the first time in what feels like forever, I pull away.

One of the hardest things i've ever had to do. 

He drops his hand, along with his head.

I feel the tears brim in my eyes as I watch this.

'You should go' I manage to croak out, watching his head instantly snap up to meet my eyes. 

Don't leave. Fight for me. Tell me you love me. You're all I need, don't fucking leave me.

'Ashlee pleas-'

'Justin, there's nothing you can say'

Theres so much you can say. I love you so much.

'When are you going home?' he asks, reaching for my hand that I manage to tuck behind my back. 

'Two days, I'm going to go to the ball tomorrow for my mom but after that I'm gone. I guess I won't be back for a while, I don't really have a reason too anymore'

I couldn't stop my words, they just managed to escape and I could almost feel a pang in my chest from how they escaped.

My dad left. Justin will leave. Zack left. Everyone fucking leaves me. 

'I'll see you at the ball, sweetheart' 

He leans up and quickly kisses my cheek. And instantly a tear falls down my cheek so fast I couldn't hold it together. I turned away on my heels and turned my back to the door.

He's the only person I ever thought would try and stay.

He didn't, they never will. 

~AUTHOURS NOTE~

Please please comment my loves!

How did you like this?

FAVORITE SONG OF THE WEEK ~ Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift, it's so good! It's been on repeat for days on end.

FAVORITE BOOK OF THE WEEK~ Looking For Alaska by the amazing John Green, seriously. Read it. You won't regret it!

All my love x