Sticks and Stones | Levi×Eren

Chapter 4

Once my eyes got sore enough to swell shut, I was forced to try and sleep only ending in restless tossing and turning. My brain refused to shut off and decided to plague me with anxious thoughts about school and the endless potential of torment when I wake up. Everyday is unknown and that scares me. More importantly, I'm trying to make up a lie for when Mikasa asks about my so called 'date'. I'd sound like a baby if I said it was because my parents wouldn't let me. I'm 15, you'd think I would make my own decisions by now. At least, I would love that chance some day.

My father was gone at work when I left for school not to return until the afternoon, so the house was silent for the most part. I tried my best to be quiet getting ready as to not wake up my mother. She deserves all the down time she can get, and the meds tend to make her drowsy. I would love to stay home while my dad is gone. However, if he found out that's a different story entirely.

I was contemplating taking a different entrance into the school rather than the front door. My feet took me there and straight towards Levi's locker. I don't know why when I should be avoiding him. I really want to practice with him, but I can't. What can I tell him? Hell, he doesn't like me anyways, though that doesn't make it any less painful. He's buried in the bottom of his bag looking for something while I approach. I'm invisible as usual. I stand next to him for a solid two minutes before he looks up.

“Remember what I said about giving me a heart attack?”

“I'm sorry.”

Great. Two seconds into the conversation and I'm apologizing. Say something else.

“Don't worry about it. I'm not actually gonna die.”

“I... I can't practice with you.”

Not that. I'm stabbing our encounter in the gut. He's giving me a raised eyebrow as if he doesn't believe me. I'd been so excited and now look at me. He has no idea how badly my heart is crumbling or how much I want to cry simply because I can't be with him. I'll never be with him. Why am I trying so hard?

“Was it something I said?”

“N-no... something else came up.”

I'll let him think I have a life for this short moment. He's shouldn't be disappointed in this. He has other friends and hobbies. Anything would be better than being in an awkward silence with me.

“What about tomorrow?”

No. I can't. Not ever, unless my dad leaves for another fee weeks. I have no idea what to say to cover up my shitty situation. I don't hate you, Levi, it's the exact opposite. I want you to see that, but I don't want you to make fun of me for it. The attention I'm directing over here is getting to be too much as more kids pile into the school before the first bell.

“I don't know...”

“Well, help me out here. It was your idea.”

Don't get mad at me. I won't be able to handle more screams in my ears. He should forget about ever owing me anything. That would benefit us both. I'm silent, letting the chatter of the hallway fill the space between us. It's so hard for me to look at him. I don't deserve to be around him let alone make slight eye contact.

“I'll think of something else.”

My voice is drowned out, dancing in the air with no reply, but I don't wait for one. I bolt away so everyone can stop staring at us. How dare someone like me approach a guy as popular as Levi. I don't want rumors to spread to discover the truth. I'm terrified my little secret will leak into the wrong ears with something as simple as a talk between the two of us.

I locate my first class as fast as humanly possible and situate myself in the back; away from the main conversations. The only others in the class consist of a group of girls complaining about some gossip and boy trouble. They pay no attention to me allowing me to shrink away and focus on my crappy doodles. My hands are shaking. I can't decide if it's out of anger or the bubble of sadness building in my throat. I want to run home and hide in my bed desperately hoping my mom won't care. She told me it was okay to stay after school, but her word means nothing. Can I spare fifteen minutes with Levi? I really want to take that risk.