[2] ONE || C. LECLERC

FIFTY FIVE

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CAMILLE

I sighed, rolling over onto my back for the thousandth time that night. I'd not slept one wink, whereas Lando was knocked out as soon as his head hit the pillow. I was glad to be back at his apartment in Surrey, it felt a lot more homely than hotel rooms, and I needed some time to relax and think after the barbecue today.

I didn't delete the image of Lando and I, nor did I delete Charles' comment - he did it himself. After refreshing my feed a few times, and the comments section beneath the post, I discovered that his comment was no longer there, but I could remember exactly what he said - I haven't been with her and you've moved on so quickly. Thankfully, Lando was too busy making sausages to check his phone and see Charles' comment. I'd felt sick with nerves ever since it flashed up on my phone screen and I had to force myself to eat whilst we were out because I didn't want Lando to figure out that something was wrong. I missed him, and I would be an idiot to deny that, but everything was falling into place for Lando and I right now. No labels, just trying something a little more romantic than before. I liked that. I liked being around him, and all of the sexual desire which was building between us ever since he came to Monaco to see me had finally been released in Hungary.

I was anxious because I felt bad for being so full on with Lando. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, nor did I really want to hurt Charles', because I wasn't a bad person. I wasn't using Lando as a form of revenge, because I wouldn't have allowed him to take me to bed and undress me if I didn't actually feel something for him. It just made me think, and now that Charles admitted he'd not been with his ex, almost publicly, I felt obliged to believe him. And right now, as I lay in Lando's bed, with his face buried into the space beside my shoulder, I didn't want to be here anymore. I didn't know where I wanted to be in the world, but I no longer felt content with my own thoughts, terrified of where they would carry me, and where I would end up.

Maybe Giada did force herself onto Charles. Maybe his hand was on her thigh to push her away, his other cupping her neck to keep her lips at a distance from his. I wanted to believe him. My heart wanted me to believe everything he said to me afterwards, to believe that his tears were genuine and that I really did mean so much to him. My Charles loved me and I knew that, but the Charles that decided to kiss his ex was a completely different person. He made me feel so good, like the only woman in the world, but most importantly, the only woman he would ever love. He didn't have a bad bone in his body and I knew that because I'd seen it for myself. I'd witnessed Charles' vulnerability in the middle of the night when he broke down over Papa and Jules, most especially after his win was robbed from him in Bahrain. Charles would never hurt me because he didn't have bad intentions. He wasn't raised like that. He had a heart of gold, and nobody could ever take that from him.

I groaned, kicking the duvet away from my legs and sitting up straight, dragging my fingers through my messy hair which was tied away from my face with a loose bobble. I couldn't lie in bed any longer whilst listening to Lando's peaceful breathing with Charles on my mind. I grabbed a clean pair of underwear and rushed to the bathroom, locking the door behind me as I began to breathe heavily. I reached for a glass from the shelf and ran the tap, filling the glass with cold water and downing it all in one go. I could feel sweat forming on my head, my heart beginning to pound against my chest. I missed him so much, but now, after so long, I couldn't see us ever getting back together and that hurt my heart.

I flicked the shower on and pulled the bobble out of my hair with great force, the elastic snapping between my fingers as a disgruntled cry fell out of my mouth. I tugged my pyjamas away from my slim body, before dragging myself into the shower. I backed up against the clear shower cubicle, a heavy sigh shaking my body as my fingers trailed down my chest, past my naval and towards my thighs. I slipped my back downwards towards the bottom of the shower, perching myself in the corner as my fingers made their way between my thighs. They had a mind of their own right now, but I wasn't complaining as I closed my eyes and allowed the warm water to cascade over my face and my shoulders.