A Sinner's Game: THE SINNERS SERIES

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| nyah |

I remember back to when I last saw River, laid out on the ground, in the middle of the empty road. I told him I was just getting started.

My big comeback after running away like a pussy for two years.

I probably shouldn't have said that, since I'm thinking of leaving.

Serena wasn't exactly overjoyed by the news. "Nyah you spent forever running from his shit and you finally won. You beat him and you wanna run away again?!"

After that night, It clicked in my head; all that fighting, killing, arguing, sneaking around...

What was it all for?

I sighed as I ran my hands through my hair.

"River shot him. He died as a result of anger, revenge and pain. Not only do I never want to breathe the same air as him again, I want to be the reason he dies. But I can't have any more deaths on my conscience."

She looked at me with a pained smile.

For the last year or so, I've been drowning; under the weight of my own fears, my love for the people I want to protect, and most of all, in blood.

Sometimes I wake up and see red. I drift off into the deepest areas of my own thoughts...and see red.

It has taken over my life, consumed my memories, and corrupted my thinking.

I've seen death enough that it doesn't affect or faze me. My heart doesn't fall into my throat and my hands don't sweat and shake and I don't lose the ability to breathe.

Hearing that last gasp of breath before their body limp is a feeling I longed for.

Until I saw it happen to Jaxon.

The night of his death, I barely made it back to Serena's house. She found me on the ground a few blocks from her place.

"Nyah! Oh my God, wake up. Can you hear me?"

That night was a hard one for everyone.

"he's dead," I cried as I felt her tug on me but I remained face flat on the pavement. "River killed him." I cried silently.

I suppose that night Serena needed more comforting than me. I was barely there for her because I wasn't even myself.

She lost so much; Jaxon, me a few times, yet she stayed so strong for all of us. I don't think a day goes past where I don't feel guilty for everything I put her through.

But all of that is gonna change. I'm gonna do better, I'm gonna be better

For her.