A Sinner's Game: THE SINNERS SERIES

chapter nine

| serena |

I zoned in and out of reality and almost didn't realise my office door open.

"What's going on beautiful?"

I frowned slightly before refocusing and realising that Kane was standing in my office.

"What are you talking about? I'm okay." I mumbled as I tucked my hair behind my ears and looked down at this paperwork on my desk.

"No you're not." He interjected as he rested his hands on my desk and I looked up at him.

"You've been in here for 2 days. Nyah and Camila are worried."

I scoffed. "Did they stop throwing shit at each other and realise I left?" I muttered as I looked down at my work.

He moved from the front of my desk and I didn't notice him walk around my desk until he pushed my chair away from it.

I sat back on the chair as he lowered himself and scanned my eyes with a concerned look.

"You look like shit."

My face fell in response. "Thanks Kane."

"It's not a compliment. You need to go home and rest."

"I don't want to be there."

"There's no way you're more comfortable here,"

"I could live here," I shot back.

"You probably haven't even brushed your teeth-"

"I have a toothbrush and mouthwash in my private bathroom."

"You haven't showered."

My face hardened. "I have deodorant."

He smiled. "That's not enough."

"Who am I impressing that I need to shower?" I questioned as I crossed my arms.

I didn't process his movements until his lips were on mine. I gasped slightly as my eyes closed and his lips left mine just as fast as they came.

I blinked multiple times.

"Me." He answered as he moved away from me.

"Let me know when you wanna do more than just fantasise." He added before walking to my office door.

He opened it and Nyah walked in as he shut it behind him.

I rested my arms on my desk as she looked around momentarily.

"Is there a dead body in my house?" I asked as I focus back on the sheets on the desk.

"No." She mumbled after a long pause.

She stood in silence as I played with the pen in my hands. "When are you coming home?" She finally asked.

"As long as you're not killing her, you don't need me there. Besides, I have things to do here." I responded.

"Serena, I-"

"Okay let's cut to the chase," I put the pen down and clasped my hands together as I looked at her.

"I'm not gonna take back anything I said because none of it was a lie. Whatever you choose to do with that information is up to you. I know how you are so I need you to know that I do not hate you. Someone had to tell you, and I am damn sure that it had to be me cause if you heard it from anyone else, you wouldn't have believed them."

"You actually listened because it came from me." I finished.

"You wanna heal? Accept responsibility for the damage you caused and how it affected everyone around you."

She walked out of the room and shut the door behind her.

Nyah's a big girl. I can't keep sugarcoating shit for her.

I groaned in frustration as I held my head in my hands.

| nyah |

"You're not talking today."

I looked down at my hands. "I've just been thinking." I mumbled.

"Here's where you voice those thoughts. Keeping it in your head will only-"

"Remember when I told you there's certain things I cannot discuss?"

My therapist fell silent.

"I made some mistakes," I said slowly. "Well, a lot of them."

"And Serena told me today that I was too busy focusing on my feelings that I didn't take into consideration how my mistakes affected those around me."

"That can happen. It's not something that people do intentionally, but it's common. It's known as being self-centred-"

"Are you calling me self-centred?" I questioned as I looked up at him.

"Is that what Serena called you?" He shot back and I remained silent again.

"Not in those words," I responded. "She's really stressed out lately and I think she kept a lot of feelings inside for my sake. To let me go through what I needed to go through."

"But I think I was being selfish," I added. "I did things without thinking of the people involved, and even when I did, I didn't even care. I was doing it to reach my own goals, and achieve what I wanted." I explained.

"So you have that same mindset now?"

"No. I've had too much time to reflect, which helped me realise all the different ways I went wrong."

"I'm not the same person." I repeated to myself as I looked back down at my hands.

"Nyah, just take a second." He urged.

"It doesn't take much to tell that your mind runs all the time. You talk during our sessions and that's great, considering it took you a while. But you also need to take breaks."

"Take a few moments and just breathe." He said softly and I stared out the window as his words sunk in.

"Well that's the end of our session. Let me know if you wanna come in again sooner," He finished as he put down his clipboard and I got up from the couch.

I breathed in the fresh air as I pushed open the glass door. I fumbled with the car keys and the car beeped as I reached for the door.

I climbed inside and locked all the doors. My mind told me to start the car and drive but my body remained still in the seat.

I closed my eyes.

Just breathe.

My phone rang but it didn't cease my calm nature. Eventually my eyes opened just as the phone stopped ringing. I picked it up and it rang again.

"Hello?"

"What the hell do you think this is? How can you not answer my calls?"

"Vanessa I was just about the answer-"