Into The Trenches: A World War I Journal [2019]

Chapter 8

SUMMARY OF LAST 2 CHAPTERS:

Chapter 6: Henry finds Jacob's gun in the trench and follows Jacob into no man's land, where Jacob ignores Henry's calls and is eventually shot in the side. Henry carries the injured Jacob back to safety and to the infirmary, leaving him unconscious in the care of a French nurse. 

Chapter 7: Jacob's nurse, Margot, tells Henry that Jacob is awake. Henry goes to see him. Jacob admits that his walk into no man's land was a suicide attempt and that he wishes Henry had not saved him. Miserable, Henry returns to the trench.

______________________

29 March 1915

Henry,

I cannot imagine how frightened you were. I hope that Jacob is recovering well, and has come to his senses. It is hard to be at war, and to be alive with no family, but I hope that you have helped him to see reason. You are a hero, brother, whether or not you receive gratitude from Jacob or recognition from your superiors.

With all my love,

Elizabeth

Jacob found me in the trench this morning. It had been three days since we had talked and he had told me he wished I had not saved his life.

"Jacob," I said quietly, and he said, "Please don't apologise." 

He looked far healthier than before, but his voice shook slightly. He wore a clean uniform shirt, and he held his left arm gingerly over his wound. "I'm a bloody ungrateful wretch," he said. 

"Caught on, did you?" I said, trying to lighten the mood. 

He did not smile. "Truly, Henry, I don't make a habit of causing the man who saved my life to hate me."

"I never hated you."

"But you ought to," said Jacob quietly. "I was angry—I wanted to be away from here, away from the war, away from the pain, and I wanted someone to blame. It shouldn't have been you." He paused, fixing his gaze on the dirt ground. "I can't tell you I'm sorry for what I did, but I'm sorry for the way I treated you."

I looked him in the eye. "I'll never be sorry for saving you."

Thankfully we were on the defensive today, for I do not think I could bear to be in no man's land after what Jacob did. Jacob himself is excused for several days while he recovers, and all the better.

10 April 1915

The Lusitania, a liner and passenger ship, was sunk several days ago by the Germans. Some thousand civilians were killed, British and American. They claim it was for ammunition. The States are furious. The U-boats are getting out of hand, with their policy of unrestricted submarine warfare.

22 April 1915

The Germans attacked today with a shocking new weapon. The attack began as usual with shells and artillery, but as we waited in the trenches for the shots to begin, we were met instead with gas. It was some sort of chlorine, thick and yellow and noxious, and suddenly men in the primary trench were falling, choking, gasping and clutching at their throats as though drowning in the air. We ran for the reserves, seeing our men drop to the ground even as we tried to escape the poisonous gas. It was a horror to watch. I have watched many die in terrible ways, and today brings yet another method of gruesome death. 

1 May 1915

They are continuing the offensive, throwing whatever they have at us: bullets, shells, wire, and now gas. We are for the most part holding our place. The generals are speaking of developing masks to protect us from the chlorine. The trenches are no longer safe, for defensive positions now involve escaping shell explosions and clouds of toxic gas, then watching the awful deaths of those who could not do the same. They have named it the Second Battle of Ypres. 

11 May 1915

I woke up in the middle of the night again, after a nightmare of Jacob and my friends dying in no man's land, this time from poison gas. I have been sleeping less and less, not only because of the uncomfortable quarters but because of awful dreams about Jacob, Ned, Richard, Elizabeth and the war in general. Jacob has been helping me through the dreams, and I him. We have grown closer since March, but I still fear for our safety here. 

I shall never tell Elizabeth this, but I think I finally understand why Jacob threw away his gun that day. I know why he thinks death would be easier than this Hell in which we live. I shall not choose death, though a relief it may be, knowing how it will affect Elizabeth and my parents. I want nothing more than to be home again.