"You know you don't have to do this, you can stay home. You don't have to go"
More tears rolled down my face as my mom tried to comfort me. I zipped up the black dress that I had gotten from him.
"No mom, I need to do this. He would have wanted me to go."
I could barely choke out the words. Why did I have to say it in the past tense?
Why couldn't I continue saying 'He will want me to go' or 'He loves me'? Now it's all 'He loved me' and 'He would have'.
Why can't I just pretend he's still here. Why can't he still be here? This isn't fair.
"I need you." I whispered to a picture of him.
"I need you like the sun needs the moon, like the sky needs the ground, I need you. And you left me."
I looked in the mirror one last time already knowing what I'd see. My eyes looked empty, my hair was a nest, my eyes were puffy and red, my nose was raw. I looked like a complete mess but, I was allowed to look this way.
I was his girlfriend after all.
Not just a girlfriend of two months either, but of six and a half years. For six years I've loved him and he's loved me. For six years I watched him getting sicker and sicker unable to do anything about it. For six years I've worked so hard to make every moment in his life worth remembering, worth being happy for.
And even after all the scares during those six years I never once thought he was really going to die.
"Katlyn baby it's time to go." My mother whispered in my ear.
It's time to go see him for the last time.
YOU ARE READING
I walk alone
Teen FictionThe only thing worse than dying is seeing someone you love die. Not necessarily a fast violent death but, a slow one. One where all you can do is watch it happen, love them with all your heart, and prepare for the worst. I always knew that Christia...
