I walk alone

-The Funeral-

Stepping out of the car felt like I was entering hell.

The building was full of crying people, most of whom shouldn't even deserve to cry. They didn't try to make him happy everyday, they didn't wake up to him throwing up blood, they didn't watch him slowly bald, they didn't help him go through chemo, they didn't love him like I loved him.

As I walked towards his parents I kept my head down. If I looked at them I might break down into a sobbing mess. Not that I wasn't already.

"I'm so glad you came, Katlyn. He would be so happy." His mother, Jane whispered to me. Her comment made me want to lash out at her.

He wouldn't be happy! He would be holding me tight screaming at me that this was all a bad dream and that he was okay. He would kiss away the pain!

Slowly a few tears escaped my eyes and I wiped them away.
Christian would tell me to smile, he'd say he wasn't hurting anymore. He'd tell me to never let tears come out of my pretty little eyes.

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Over the next few hours people from all over town came up to me to say their condolences. They'd all say the same things,

"He's happier now. "
"He's not hurting anymore."
"He's in heaven."

Then they would share an insignificant story from his childhood thinking that would cheer me up.

I would trade all the childhood stories to be in your arms right now.

Some of the people attending asked me who I was. Some implied I was a sister or cousin. Maybe even a close friend. No one expected my answer.

"Christian and I had been dating for six years, ever sense we were fourteen."

A few 'ohs ' and 'I'm so sorry for your losses' from distant relatives, hugs from friends, promises of phone calls with his family.

The time I was dreading was coming way to fast, but eventually it was time.

I walked outside, leaning on my mother to where his grave plot was.

(Flashback)
It was late spring and Christian and I were outside laying on a hammock, cuddling under blankets. Christian got really quiet and turned to me,

"Katlyn, when I die I want to be buried underneath a willow tree and have a perfect view of the mountains. That way I always have shade and a good view."

"Christian you know I hate it when you talk like that. Your not going to die for another sixty years. You'll be here to see our children and our children's children and their children too. You'll stay alive with me until we're old and frail. Then we'll pass away together in our sleep like in those cliché romance films." I murmured into his neck.

"That's the plan, but if it doesn't happen that way I don't want you to forget about me. Like if I died I wouldn't want you to still be coming to visit me fifty years later and never move on but I don't want you to forget about me. I don't know I guess I'm just selfish in saying that I need you. I'll listen everyday for your sweet voice to talk to me. I love you"

He was rambling now.

"I love you too."

(End of flashback)

His grave was right underneath a weeping willow, it's soft blooms making me want to fall asleep on it. He had an amazing view of the mountains, just like he asked. His mom wanted to go with a cheaper plot but I begged and pleaded for this one and even ended up chipping in to pay. I was satisfied with that.

They had eight friends of his carry his coffin. They marched like they were headed for the black parade. Knowing my sweet, loving Christian was inside that box made me want to cry out,

Come back to me! Come kiss me for the last time! I need to say goodbye!

Knowing he couldn't hear me killed me. Knowing that I could scream and scream at him to wake up and he never would broke my heart. I never knew what exactly a broken heart was but I knew now.

My heart felt like it had exploded into millions of small sharp shards of glass. Each stabbing me in the inside and slowly killing me.

The minister started to talk about his life, all of the parts he'd been filled in on.

Christian Hart was a happy young soul. He loved everyone he came upon and never complained unto us. He was a miracle, doctors didn't believe that he would last that long. Christian was diagnosed at age fourteen, he fought long and hard to win this battle. But he didn't win, for we lost a great man. Christian is survived by his parents, friends, and his girlfriend, Katlyn.

I wanted to scream as the silent tears flowed down my cheeks.

No words could describe Christian, no short speech could summarize how amazing he was.

Christian hart was and will always be the love of my life.

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Hello my beautiful little readers I started a new story, it's kinda sad so forgive me, updates will be relatively slow :( if any one has ideas for this story or others of mine comment them!