I walk alone

-The Everlasting Heartbreak-

It's been three weeks since Christian died and I had rarely eaten or slept. How long will it take for life to get back to normal? I had asked my mother.

"Baby nothing will ever be the same, you'll eventually forget him and get on with life."

"I don't want to forget him though, I just want him back. But I know he's not coming back. I know he's gone forever, but God it sucks. It sucks so bad that he's gone."

"Katlyn, you need to get over him. I know it seems like life could never move on without Christian Hart but it does. You've put off so many things for him Kate. You haven't gone to college yet, you denied that music scholarship you had always wanted. It's time to stop putting things on hold and start living."

I knew she was right, because mom's are always right. It's a mom's job to be right all the time. I hugged my mom quickly,
"Mom your right I need to go to college, I'll send in some applications for the fall session at NY."

My mom gently smiled at me and walked out of my room. I grabbed my laptop and began searching up details on NY's fall session's for music.

___________________________________________________________

"Well this is goodbye, I'll miss you so much mommy. But I need to get away from this town and all its memories you know make a new life for myself."

"I know I understand Katlyn, I'll miss you so badly my little girl." My mom had tears in her eyes as she whispered to me.

After hugging my mom for what seemed like forever I went back into my old room to see if I'd missed anything important. After all I was going to be in a different state for the next two years. I had packed tons of my stuff but the major items like my bed were going to be staying behind.

I stuffed a few things I wanted to take along with me into my car and got in preparing for the twenty hour drive to New York. I felt bad leaving my small town but then again all my memories were attached here. Everywhere I turned in this place reminded me of Christian, from his favorite ice cream shop on Main Street to the wooden park that we used to go to.

It's not like I wanted to leave Christian behind or forget him but I know that I will have to move on eventually. Don't get me wrong I still bawled like a baby at the mention of him and I was in no way over him or his death. I just needed this. I needed an escape.

Waving a final goodbye to my mom and looking in my reverse mirror slowly watching my home get farther and farther away I let myself release a single tear.

The farther away I was, the more miles on my car I could feel myself slowly imploding. Maybe leaving wasn't such a good idea.

Well New York here I come.
__________________________________________________________

I finally arrived on the campus the next day. I was exhausted from the long drive and frankly I just wanted to go to sleep. School starts in a week and I still needed to tour campus and set up my dorm room. I missed Christian and home. I missed my mom and the salty fresh air of my home town, the serene calming sounds of the ocean. Here was nothing like that, New York smelt, it stank like dying rats and it was filthy. Everywhere you looked was trash, on some streets lay piles of garbage.

When people spoke of New York I imagined a magical city, one where someone could find themselves. Somewhere were someone could be whoever they wanted. But in all honesty all this place was, was a dirty city filled with unsuccessful actors and prostitutes.

The only thing this place severely needed was a boy like Christian some one calm and collected but romantic and gentle.

Sighing in frustration and disappointment I headed towards the student information office and asked where to find my dorm room and all the necessary places on campus. The nice looking old woman sitting behind the desk gave me a nudge in the right direction and I soon arrived at my dormitory.

I walked in and saw a tall brunette girl, she looked like she was setting stuff up in the room and I realized this was my roommate.

"Oh my gosh, hey! I didn't see you there! I'm Emily! You must be my roommate, I hope it's okay if I already took the bed by the right wall."

She kept rambling on but I stopped her before she could make a bigger fool of herself.

"Hey, I'm Katlyn. Uh yeah I guess we're roommates then." I smiled ever so slightly at her.

She smiled at me and grabbed my hand.

"So where are you from? I'm from California so this is a huge change for me! I'll admit I'm a little home sick already." She admitted sheepishly

"Um I'm from a small town about a thousand miles away..." I said awkwardly

"That's so cool, your really pretty! Any boyfriend? Or girlfriend? I don't judge." She chuckled as she asked this

Feeling my throat begin to close up and tears brimming my eyes I looked away from her. I guess she sensed my discomfort and mood change so she tried to fix the mess she made.

"Oh my God. I'm so sorry I didn't mean to make you cry! I'm such a bad person, you really don't need to tell me."

"No, no it's not your fault. It's just a touchy subject. Um my boyfriend of six years died a month and a half ago from leukemia."

The look of shock on her face was normal to me. She hugged me and I awkwardly wrapped my arms around her and cried for a few minutes.

"I'm so sorry I brought it up. I feel so bad!"

"It's not your fault, I just can't move on, there's no remedy for memory his face won't leave my head. It's like he's haunting me. Every time I close my eyes he's there and no one compares to him, I'm scared that he won't be waiting on the other side for me. But when you find true love it lives on."

I couldn't believe I had just shared my deepest fears with a complete stranger.
But then again I couldn't deal with all these thoughts stuck in my head. Maybe it's because I'm slowly drowning in depression.

To me moving on felt like I was betraying the love I had with Christian. I felt like I was forgetting him completely.

Maybe I could never forget him and that's okay because a piece of me will always belong to him but i defiantly need to learn how to move on.

__________________________________________________________

Hey guys! Comment? Vote? Follow? All that other crap you lovely lovely people do! I'll give a mention to whoever can find the hidden song lyrics in here and name to song & artist.

Have a splendid day loves! Tootaloo! -Sam