The Aziraphale Bible

Genesis Pt 3

So lots of descendants have lots of babies. This ends up being like a family tree of seventy people which makes for great family reunions with lots tea. Our favorite boi right now though, his name is Seth.

Oh by the way Adam lived to be 930 years old. We currently don't care about anyone else.

At some point in time God saw that hey his angels we're hooking up with humans and BAM THE NEPHILIM. She decided the humans were corrupt. People can only live to be 120 years of age because of this, because becoming old is over powered now.

So God was having a crisis. She was regretting making the human kind. She had a whole thing where she woke up, shouted, "I will kill all of you! Nobody loves you! Except for you Noah I like you!"

And Noah was like, "UwU I wanna take a walk with chu."

God then said to Noah. "Boi build a, boat of the Special Wood™ and make rooms for the animals.

So Noah builds an ark. Woo. Our demon, Crawley, has met up with Aziraphale and they we're making eyes at each other. Just the whole, " Crawley is that you?"

Yes, it was Crawley. Yes he was feeling feelz for Aziraphale.

But THE UNICORNS.

Crowley loved the unicorns. Shem let it get away. It wasn't Crowley's fault.

150 days of rain. Crowley and Aziraphale waited on the boat. They really did risk cuddling one night. Standing together in the rain was fun. Crowley thought the way rain drops looked on his skin was beautiful.

Beautiful angel.

Too bad they couldn't stay on the ark together forever.

Eventually the earth dried.

And Noah built an alter. It made things smell very nice. Aziraphale made a perfume out of the smell.

But also because God keeps things under control She decided things kill each other. God also likes clouds.

Oh my more babies happened.

All the names in this seem like Heaven spelt backwards.

BABYLON

Aziraphale is baby by the way.

AZIRAPHALE IS BABY

So there was some point when everyone spoke the same language and all that. They all started to build a big city. God got pissed off and told Gabriel to fuck up language and spread everyone out.

Fun fact the Bible has 66 different books. A dude named Moses wrote this. A very interesting person named Rayne is writing this fanfic.