The Aziraphale Bible

Genesis pt. 5

So, sin town was blown up. Also someone got turned into a pile of salt

OH LOT ALSO LIVED IN A CAVE WITH HIS DAUGHTERS. GUESS WHAT NANNY CROWLEY WAS THEIR BABYSITTER.

Unfortunately Crowley wasn't exactly able to stop them from sleeping with their dad and they both got preggers. To this day he still shutters thinking about the incest.

Uh so on another note... Sarah had to be rescued. God was talking to Abimelech aka keysmash in a dream. He told keysmash to give Sarah back to Abe because wow he's a prophet.

The Bible is very repetitive you know. So everything with the birth of Isaac you pretty much already know.

There's also a lot of slaves. You get the feeling?

Okay here we go. The sacrifice of Isaac.

Take a bite of ketchup and rice.

God said, "Heya Abraham! Abe!"

And Abe pops up and says, "Here I am!"

God says, "Take lil Isaac and go to Mariah Carey- I mean Moriah and offer him wood."

So he did that. And when they were there Isaac was like, "Hey dad."

And Abe was like, "Here I am!"

"Where's that lamb?"

"God's bringing it."

They continued. An altar was built. Isaac was put on it. He was going to be killed.

Aziraphale was there. He could almost hear Crowley telling him to save the kid. He stepped up and shouted "Abraham!"

"HERE I AM!"

"Don't hurt him. You fear God. This was just a test to see if you'd listen."

Abe nodded and found a ram to burn instead of his son. He named the place The Lord Will Provide.

Aziraphale came back to Abe and said, "The Lord will bless you. You'll have lots of children."

I'm leaving off at Sarah's Burial.

Have a nice interlude.