After texting her friends and letting them know that she and Jesse were leaving, Jesse ended up driving Jade back to her house. And even if he was sad about things being over between them, he was happy that he at least got to experience it. After a warm hug goodbye and a soft smile from outside of his car, Jade watched him as he drove away into the night, remembering that the only person who knew about her biggest secret was going to be out of her life. It was pretty scary to think about but she put her trust in him. She then went up the stairs, feeling exhausted from crying so much but feeling relieved from letting her truth out, and then crashed onto her bed. She stared up at the ceiling, processing everything that had just happened. And before you know it, Rose popped back into her mind. It was the first time she had really sat down and thought about her since the party. She thought about that night and wondered why it hurt her so much when she didn't even know her personally. And she thought about how it was possible for one hookup to lead to such a strong attachment. Maybe it was because that was her first time ever being physical with a girl, but Rose didn't feel like "just a girl" to her. She felt like she had known her for so much longer. Jade then turned her head a little, to spot the beach bag she had brought with her that night , laying in the corner of her room. Maybe it would be therapeutic for her to go through it and face the night she wished had never happened. So she stood up from her bed and sat down next to her beach bag. She found herself lost in the moment as she took out the contents of the bag- her flip flops, her sunglasses, her sunscreen. She then opens up the front pocket and finds a piece of paper inside of it. She didn't remember putting that in there, so she was kind of confused. As she opened it, it read;
"I'm sorry you had to see that tonight. We may have never talked before but I still feel like I owe you. Message me if you want answers."
And a phone number was left under it.
Jade's face suddenly turned red and she felt herself start to panic.
She then read the message over a few times to make sure she wasn't dreaming. She then shot up and put her hand on her forehead, feeling herself burn up. She then started to pace her room, which helped her cool down physically but not mentally- too many thoughts were racing through her mind. Like what if she had just opened her beach bag right after the party? Maybe then she wouldn't have led Jesse on for so long. And what if Rose thought she hated her now because of how long she took to reach back out to her? What if she didn't even want to hear from her anymore? What if she shouldn't reach out to her to begin with?
Her room felt like it was getting smaller and pacing around wasn't helping her cool down anymore. She had to get out of there. So she rushed down the stairs, put her shoes back on and started to walk as far as she could. The thoughts were still running but now so was she. And without even realizing it, she found her way at school- probably by force of habit.
She then stood in front of it, remembering how that is where it all started. She then made her way to the bleachers and sat on the top row as she let the cool air calm her down.
After taking a few deep breaths, she finally looked down at her phone and separated it from the note that was in her hand as well. If she didn't get answers from her, she was going to keep losing her mind. Like what made her cry the night at prom when she ran into the bathroom? Why did she hook up with her if she had a boyfriend? Did she feel the same connection that Jade did after it happened? Did she want to see where their connection would take them? She just had so many questions, and she was tired of running away from them. So she closed her eyes, took one more deep breath and typed in the number from the paper, into her phone. She then took a chance and typed exactly what she was feeling in that moment and read it over to make sure she was as honest as possible-
"I just found your note. I'm at our old high school and I want to see you again. Just you."
She then closed her eyes and sent it before she regretted her boldness. She felt like she had to put the phone away and accept the fact that Rose might actually be mad at her and not ever reach out to her again. But she spoke her truth and she was relieved about it, even if her heart was still beating fast. So she laid her back down and rested her head on her crossed arms, as she focused in on the stars in the sky. Maybe if she focused on how big the universe was, her situation with Rose wouldn't feel so big to her. So she thought about all of the planets that were out there, she thought about chance, she thought about fate, she thought about destiny, she thought about God and then when she thought about Rose again, she realized that the anxiety around her situation had slowly faded away.
She then looked down at her phone and there was still no reply. But she was expecting it and so it didn't really hurt her as much. But what she did notice was how late it was getting. She didn't realize how much time she had spent thinking about life. So after taking one last deep breath, she let out a small smile at the thought of how her decision to go outside had really paid off, because of how calm she was left feeling after. So she slowly got up, stretched a little and walked down from the bleachers.
But as she reached the last step, boom.
It was Rose.
Shyly walking towards her,
with a shy smile to match.
