2 weeks pass by and J&J had become official. This was Jade's first boyfriend and first relationship. Ever. Even if she labelled herself as a lesbian for so many years, she figured it would be best to put the labels aside and just allow herself to try something new and see if she liked it. It felt nice to have someone to hold and to have someone so kind spend so much time with you. They were basically attached to the hip at this point because of how Jesse was so into her and because of how he basically stopped going to the gym, just to spend more time with her. Jade, on the other hand, couldn't tell if she was actually into him or if she was just into the way he treated her. Either way, he was good company and she really tried to give him a chance and give herself a chance to fall for him. They would go to the movies together, go to restaurants together but not to the beach. Jade had been avoiding anything that reminded her of Rose, and that included going back to that beach or even opening the beach bag she brought the day of the party.
Whenever Jesse tried to initiate sex, she had to admit to him that she was a virgin so that he would take it more seriously and not ask her so much. The whole thing made her uneasy but maybe it was just because it was unknown territory or maybe it was because she really was gay. Either way, she hoped that he would shut up about sex because she just didn't feel ready. Her friends, on the other hand, would not shut up about their relationship at all. They had been shipping the two of them for a while and so they were really excited when they finally got together. Not to mention, they were excited about finally being able to go on quadruple dates together. And so soon enough, they did. They had all decided to go bowling one day and all of Jade's friends had their boyfriends with them, as usual. But it felt so strange to remember that Jade's was coming too. She still wasn't used to having him around, but she still wanted things to work out between them. So they all played & laughed at those that weren't good, ate pizza and Jade would even sit on Jesse's lap as they waited for their turn. From a stranger's perspective, everything would look normal. But suddenly, Jade saw a lesbian couple in a corner and one of the girls was holding the other's waist from behind, as she distracted her from making her shot. And after she did, she failed and so she turned back to her girlfriend and made a playful sad face as the other held her close to encourage her. Then, they looked into each other's eyes, as if nobody else was in the room, and they planted a big kiss on each other. They looked so in love.
Jade felt her heart slowly drop as she watched them together. Flashbacks with Rose started to flood her mind, after having repressed them for so long. But this time, it wasn't from the beach- it was from prom night. And Jade felt herself slowly going into a panic attack. Jesse then noticed the distress in her eyes and turned her towards him before asking;
"Hey, is everything okay?"
Jade barely made eye contact with him, as her mind was still elsewhere. But she said;
"I need to go to the bathroom".
Jesse then got concerned with the absent look in her eyes and asked;
"Do you need me to come with you?"
And Jade then snapped out of her spiraling thoughts, as she noticed the genuine concern in Jesse's eyes for her.
Enough was enough. He obviously cared about her a lot and she felt like she just couldn't lie to him or to herself anymore. So she grabbed his hand and said;
"Come with me."
And she held his hand as they walked away from their friends, who noticed them leaving and starting whistling at them, thinking they went off to hookup.
She led Jesse outside and into a corner of the bowling alley's parking lot, so that they could talk privately.
"Jade, what's going on? Are you okay?", Jesse asked, feeling confused and concerned for her.
"Look, Jesse. You have been nothing but sweet to me and I really enjoy your company and I don't want you to take any of this personally."
"You're breaking up with me?", Jesse asked, still feeling concerned.
"Listen. I care about you, okay? And you're the first boy I ever kissed and you're the first relationship I ever had for a reason. You've just been so loving and you deserve someone who's capable of loving you back too. And I really tried to reciprocate because of how great you are but-"
"You're gay?", he interrupted.
Jade then felt her heart skip a beat and she went blank in her face. She then started to breathe faster as she froze there, staring at him. It was the first time anyone had ever said that to her. She then closed her eyes and started to cry.
Jesse then started to get emotional too and so he reached over to her to hold her and comfort her;
"It's okay, Jade. It's okay."
In the midst of her balling her eyes out, she said with a muffled voice, pressed onto his chest;
"I'm so sorry."
He then pulled her away from his chest, but still held onto her before saying;
"No, don't apologize! What is there to be sorry about?"
Jade, still talking through her tears;
"I led you on..."
Jesse then saw the honest regret in her eyes, before letting out a sigh.
"But you led yourself on more."
Jade then started to feel guilty for ignoring her intuition but Jesse could sense her about to spiral again and so he said;
"You know, when I had a crush on you in school, it was because of how independent you seemed. The way you didn't settle for less than what you knew you deserved- it inspired me. And you're right, I do deserve someone who loves me like I love them. But thank you for letting me experience you. I'll never forget it."
Jade then felt touched by what he had said and it made her cry harder. So she crashed back into him and they held onto each other as Jade continued to cry- releasing this period of her life without resentment, releasing the pent up emotions about Rose and releasing the burden of carrying this secret for her whole entire life.
