Going Nowhere

October 16, 2015

“Anna?”

 

His newly dyed hair pokes out in every direction, as always. “Michael,”

 

“Are you alright?” He questions, sticking his hands in his pockets.

 

“I’m okay, how are you?” My breathing shallows, afraid to hear his answer.

 

“I’m alright,” He kicked at the carpet, as if there was something in his way. “I miss you.”

 

I bite at my lip. “I’ve missed you too.”

 

“Anna Banana…” Ashton pokes my cheek. “Anna. Banana.”

 

“I’m awake, I’m awake.” I mumble, flipping over to the other side.

 

Unfortunately, yes I was awake and now had to realize that it had been Ashton who had asked me if I was alright yesterday. Sighing, I squeeze my eyes shut, hoping to go back to my dream.

 

“We’re moving today.” Ashton continued.

 

Slowly flipping back over, I peer at him through one open eye. “Moving?”

 

“As in moving from one dwelling to another, yes.” He giggles.

 

Smiling, I stretch, flipping onto my back. The girls had invited us out to their LA home for the time being. What seemed like a mansion compared to this place would hold me and Ash until they decided what we did next. I never liked the idea of not knowing, the feeling of lost control gave me goosebumps. But they had insisted, telling us it was a part of their many surprises.

 

I missed him. I wish Michael had surprised me at the concert. I was dreaming about him again. Since last night, he hasn’t left my thoughts for more than a few minutes.

 

Why was I angry with him still? He made a mistake, we all do from time to time. If I did want to get revenge, all I had to do was forgive him; that was the worst thing you could do to anyone.

 

A long time ago I learned forgiving someone hurt more than any physical pain. Emotional pain was the way to truly injure someone. Forgiving them doesn’t provide relief. When you forgive someone after a mistake as grand as that, they have to live knowing that they did that to you. They have to live with themselves afterwards. That is torturous beyond compare.

 

“I made pancakes,” Ashton smiles, climbing in next to me under the covers.

 

His arms wrap around my torso and I am nearly pained. I feel Michael at my side. I feel his arms around me and the stench of tears and alcohol.