don't tell me what to do

the boyfriend of everyone's dreams

Based on the title of this chapter, I hope you can pick up on my sarcasm. This was in fact, definitely not the boyfriend of everyone's dreams. I'm not going to completely bash him... eh, maybe not directly... nah I'm bashing him. Sorry bro, but you failed at your role. I doubt he's reading this, but so help me god if you are. I never told him half of the things I'm going to be writing here, so if there ends up being a part two to this, just know shit hit the fan because he probably responded. 

Moving on from my non effective disclaimer, let's talk about the tea. Just a little back story for you, I started dating this guy after I asked him to a graduation dance at our school. I thought we were just going together, but after someone from one of our classes said "Are you two dating?" he proceeded to make the executive decision to go ahead and say.... drumroll please, "yea". Great communication, but I'll let it slide. He was kind of awkward at communicating those things anyways. Moving forward maybe 5 months forward, nothing had really gone down in the relationship, if you catch my drift. But, he picked me up so we could go to the beach together (awwww) with his mom and brother (ewwwww). Whatever, we all had a good time, I tried to pull a move, he wasn't having it, I moved on. Wow this really sounds horrible now that I'm rethinking this through. 

On the way home we got in a car accident (awww nooo). Everybody was good except for your girl, she got a concussion. Just thought it might be a bit valuable to know in this situation. A few nights later, it was my birthday. Well, the night after but we all decided to go to dinner. Him, my mom, and I were all in the car together and of course my mom started doing the parental badgering thing on him. He went along with it surprisingly well, but then he slipped. Not like 'oh no I tripped' more like 'shit I just fell down a flight of stairs'.  He said, mind you this is the first time I would be hearing about this, that one of his best friends, a female, which of whom I had been concerned with to the start, has had a crush on him for a while now. He learned this in the summer (aka 2 months ago). 

Your girl went on nervous laughter breakdown. I had no idea and now I was learning about it in front of my mother. Peachy. I carried on the rest of the night because I'm a mature human being, surprisingly, and I just kind of tried to ignore it.

Fast forward to 7 months since we started dating, it's night of homecoming (yayyyy). When the tickets first went on sale, I didn't ask him to homecoming because I did that for the last dance. But he never asked me if we were going together, he "just assumed" according to him. So, I had told my best friend that I didn't think I was going. I was being pouty basically. But, I realized that I don't need no man to have fun, and truly dances and parties are my natural habitat. So, I went. 

We're at dinner at a local restaurant, me, my bestfriend, my boyfriend (of the time), and his best friend. My mother, his mother, and my best friends mother were all sitting at a table half way across the restaurant cause they wanted to give us space but also get photos afterwards. So at our table, we're having a jolly good time being stupid teenagers about to go to Homecoming. But over at my mothers table, according to her, it was not so rosey. Apparently my boyfriend had been given money by his mother to by me a ticket to HOCO. But so did my mom. And I cashed my moms check to the school for my ticket. He just took the money and hid it without asking if I wanted to go. Later, his excuse was that I said I didn't want to go... after he hadn't asked me to the dance. See how this is panning out? 

My mom continued to report that his mom thought I was the issue since he had tattled on me to his and my mommy that I had a friend that I was hanging out with and we would always have marker on our arms after we hung out (yawn, we were being so sneaky). 

Okay, let me give you the backstory to this friend. I've known him since the good times of middle school. We hadn't seen or talked to each other in about 3 years. I had a seat next to him in my science class (ooo scandalous) and yes, we would have marker wars because were dumb teenagers having fun. But my bf (of the time) got jealous of that. And then tattled on me. To my mommy. Scarryyyyyy. So yes we "hung out" in science class. But he would never tell it to me to my face or even via text. What do we call that kids? What was that? A pussy? Wow...you're right.

 Moving on, we got to homecoming. It was going good, until the hoe showed up. They talked the entire night. Like from when we showed up to when we left. He missed a slow dance because they were so 'invested' or whatever in each other. Soooo cute, am I right? (Eyeroll) 

Then I see my buddy that I previously mentioned. He came sliding past us and raised an eyebrow when he saw us together. I died of laughter because the whole thing turned into a sitcom from there. He laughed too and the disappeared. My boyfriend of the time was so confused what I was laughing at, until he turned around, right before my friend slithered back into the crowd. Busted. 

I gave it about 2 minutes... nah more like 45 seconds for me to locate where my friend had went before I nicely asked my boyfriend if I could go talk to my friend. I hated every second of it. Who da fu- nevermind. I personally feel like just because were dating, that doesn't mean I have to ask you permission to do jack diddly squat. I'm mine own being. But he so kindly (nah he hated it) said "sure" like I was asking if I could go date my friend over him. But, I smiled anyway and pranced my happy butt over towards my friend. 

His immediate reaction was "Wanna fuck?" (so original for a teenage boy), but I exploded into laughter because I had just been on edge for about 2 minutes. God, if my boyfriend was looking at that time, he might have flipped a little bit. I don't know if he saw or not, but I couldn't care less. I responded "nooo" of course like the good little girlfriend I was. My body was screaming "GET ME TF OUTTA HERE" but I didn't say anything lol. I ended up telling my buddy that I wanted to talk to him soon... cause I already knew what I was going to do. Basically, I was gonna tell my friend not to be shocked if my boyfriend hated him from now on because he had been jealous of him. Now I see why, my friend made me laugh harder and he was the better looking version of my boyfriend. I think I woulda been worried too. 

Then I left my friend and came back to (ugh) you guessed it, the boyfrienndddd. Yay! (Sarcasm) where he was still talking to the hoe that liked him. The night went on and I ended up ditching him and the hoe for some friends that would actually dance with me. 

Finally, when we all went home, the second I got out of the car, my tired butt texted him that we were breaking up. Wanna know why I texted him instead of said it? So he couldn't twist my words. I wanted what I said documented, so he could show his friends that I did it civilly, and not like a bitch. Wanna read the text? Okay fine you convinced me.

Your gorgeous girlfriend that you've been a jerk to all night: I had a great time tonight. Unfortunatley, it wasnt with you... you seemed to enjoy [Hoe's name]'s time more. Maybe thats a better option for you. So, I think this has run its course. I really hope we can still be friends. No hard feelings though. Like I said, I had a good night (upside down smiley face)

[Insert douche name]: Yeah I get it, I hope we could still he friends.

The beautiful single chicka: Yea, Im really glad you feel that way. I had a good time with you and I hope we can still go out go karting or something. ( We had talked about doing that a while back)

Him: [No response]

There it is ladies and gents! I think I'm done exposing everyone for now. See you next time for my bad misfortune stories :)