Ponggay ran into Maddie's arms as soon as she saw her entered the condo. It has been long since they last saw each other, it is a very strange feeling for they are used to being with each other most, if not all, the time. She failed to hold back her tears when she felt the love of her life close to her. Ponggay's hurting because of the way Maddie avoided her without any explanations, her girlfriend is once again keeping her in the dark. But all of that are the least of her concerns, she just want to cherish this moment.
The worry of Maddie not loving her anymore vanished into thin air when she felt the way she's holding her. Maddie's hugging her like her life depends on it. Her heart broke into pieces, why does it feel like it will be the last time that they'll ever hold each other this close?
She tightened her arms around the taller girl, afraid of letting her go again. But they both know that they have to let go and talk. Maddie pulled away from the hug slowly, staring into her eyes with pain, longing and guilt in her own.
"I'm sorry, I'm an asshole but that's all that I can say to somehow make up with the way I've been acting."
"I want to say that it's okay and that I understand, but we both know know it's neither of those two."
"The way I've been acting isn't something I am proud of, I don't know how to let you know how sorry I am for treating you that way. You don't deserve that."
"Maddie, what's really happening? We're okay right? Did I do something? I'm trying not to make it about the two of us pero, Maddie, kasi I don't know what to think of anymore."
"A lot is going on, I don't even know what to think of anymore."
"Talk to me, Maddie. Make me understand." She said desperately.
"I wish it's that easy, how can I make you understand when I don't understand my self either?"
"I just want to know what's happening, Maddie. We're both suffering because of it."
Maddie paused and what she said next shocked Ponggay.
"Ponggay, I came here to tell you that we're moving to US."
"What?" Ponggay exclaimed, failing to wrap her mind with the new found information.
"Mom wants us to stay there for a few years or maybe for good." Maddie said, surprisingly she's calm despite the storm within her.
"So you're telling me you came home, after months of not seeing each other and barely talking to tell me that you're leaving to live in a different country?"
They're enveloped into an uncomfortable silence, both thinking— Ponggay still processing what her girlfriend just told her and Maddie battling with herself to pull her shit together.
"When are you leaving?" Ponggay asked just above a whisper.
"Tomorrow, mom and Sachi are staying in our condo right now."
"And you're only telling me now? Gosh, Maddie, ano pa bang hindi mo sinasabi?" She asked, bewildered.
Maddie can only look at Ponggay with regret, her expression showing how sorry and guilty she is for failing to be the person she promised her to be.
"You're so unfair." The crack in her voice pained Maddie.
In that moment both of their hearts broke into pieces.
Ponggay watched as Maddie reached for her hands before kissing them softly, she does it whenever she wants to comfort her. It pains her to see her like this, because even if Maddie is causing her pain she knows that it is hurting her girlfriend more. Maddie will never hurt her intentionally.
"What will happen to us?" She choked.
Maddie didn't answer her though, she held her hands tighter and buried her face into them, sobbing uncontrollably while saying sorry repeatedly.
"It's over for us isn't it? You already decided, you made a decision before even telling me." She said bitterly.
"I'm just doing what I think is best for us."
Ponggay pulled away from Maddie's touch, because it's hurting her more.
"What's best for us? How can you be talking about us when you're the only who decided? You're the only one that's thinking that breaking up is the best solution to whatever problem we have."
"Ponggay, please, we both know you deserve more than this. You're deserve way more than what I am giving you now." Maddie pleaded.
"There you go again, hindi ba dapat ako yung mag decide kung sino yung deserve yung pagmamahal na ibinibigay ko? You keep telling me I deserve more, can't you do more? Heck, I'm not even asking for more. Because I already have you, Maddie, and you are more than enough for me!"
"Don't make it harder than it already is, please. Do you think I want this? Do you think it's easy? Do you have any idea how fucking painful it is to be forced to let,the only person, who allows me to breathe, go? Ayaw ko, Ponggay. Kung ako lang, never kong gugustuhin na iwanan ka. Never kong ginusto na tapusin 'to." Maddie took a deep breath to calm herself once more.
"You've seen how I've been treating you. Pareho nating alam na hindi yun tama, at gustong-gusto kong itama pero hindi ko magawa."
"Then fight with me, Maddie. Don't run away, let's face the war together just like what we always do."
"But what if I'm the war, Ponggay? What if I am that ticking time bomb you're desperately running away from to save yourself? If we stay like this, I'll only end up ruining you. I don't want to ruin us more than I already have."
When no one spoke another word, both accepted defeat. The thing that they are dreading for already happened, it's their end. How come they still ended like this when they fought so hard to have it? Too much for a crappy ending.
Ponggay felt Maddie kissed her forehead, she didn't know it was possible for her heart to break further as she felt Maddie's tears falling.
No matter how painful it is for the both of them, Maddie started to walk away. A painful and desperate attempt of saving them.
Ponggay failed to stop herself from running after the love of her life, she hugged Maddie tightly and sobbed on her back. She can feel the shaking of her shoulders for she too is crying.
"When things are finally better and our hearts still beat for each other, can we try again?"
Even if no words were spoken after that, it was a silent promise between them. Maybe one day, the universe will be kinder and finally on their side. But for now, they have to keep living, bringing with them the memories of once a happy life they shared together.
The end.
A/N: If there's anyone who's still reading this, THANK YOU! Thanks for taking the time to read it even if my outputs are really crappy. Thank you also for being patient because it took me awhile to finish it. I know it is not the ending you wanted but I'll leave it to your imagination as to what will happen next. Thank you so much!
P.S. maybe I'll give them a better ending... who knows. 😉😁
