I start to drive home after a long day of school. An entire day of just trying to find my way around and learning useless stuff that we've already learned. Plus that annoying kid. I mean.. he's kinda cute but- no! Hope no! He's not. Jeez what's gotten into me. "Shit!" I yell as I swerve into my lane. "Holy crap I have I stop daydreaming. Especially while I'm driving!".
"Mom! I'm home!" I yell. There's no answer. I sigh. "Probably out drinking!" I say. I can't wait to move to my dorm. It's like she's just given up on me. Like Rosie, my youngest older sister was her last time even acting like her kids are humans. Like we even have feelings.
I make a snack and go up to my room to do homework. "Ugh. Welcome to college" I say. "Homework from every class, every single night". I hear the door slam shut downstairs. "Mom?" I yell down the stairs. I hear a thump coming up the stairs. "Oh! Hey hope!" My mom slurs her words. Drunk. Of course. "We're moving my stuff to my dorm tomorrow right?" I ask. We got lucky with when school started this year, it started on a Thursday so there's only two days on the first week. "Oh. Yeah sure" she says and falls up the last stair.
I roll my eyes and go back into my room. When I'm done homework, I check the time on my phone. 8:00 my mom still hasn't said anything about dinner. I go out to check where she is and of course, she's passed out on her bed.. but she's barely even on her bed, she's half hanging out.
I go downstairs and make some kraft dinner. It's not the best dinner but it's something. That's another thing I'm looking forwards to when I move into my dorm, I'll be able to have my own food and decide what I want to make. I can actually make sure we have enough groceries to make a full dinner.
And no, it's not like we're poor, she just saves the money to go out drinking instead. At about 11:00, I go to bed. I probably should have done so earlier but I wasn't really tired. I didn't really feel anything. I don't know what's going on with me. I haven't felt like doing anything other than sitting in my room, isolating myself from people. Nobody ever really liked me anyway.
Am I depressed? I don't know. Even if I actually was and knew I was, I couldn't say so because then people would attack me saying I'm "just sad" or they'd ask me "have you cut yourself?! No. Exactly. You're not depressed." But then even when I did. Only once but you can still see the scars. They yelled at me saying "I just want attention". I can't win. Nothing I do will ever be good enough.
I set my alarm and drift off to sleep. I wake up a few minutes before my alarm so I get up and make my bed. Whenever my mom drinks, I'm never in a good mood. I'm not necessarily moody, I just.. don't know what I feel.
I throw on leggings and a sweater and make some cereal. I don't even bother doing my makeup. When I go to brush my teeth, my mom is still passed out. I look in the mirror and look like a Zombie. I really should have done my makeup.
Skip to school
"Hey!" Says cash behind me. I look up at him. "Hey.." I say. "What's wrong?" He asks. "Nothing." I say and keep walking. "Hey Cash" a girl says. Sounds like they're dating from the time in her voice. And if they're not, she's definitely flirting with him. I see cash look her up and down. He completely forgets about me and starts flirting with her. Hm, Typical guy. What did I expect.
Hope! Why are you even jealous. He's an annoying kid that's probably going to distract you! Remember what your mom says! Don't mess around with boys! UGH. Now my own mind is even acting like my mom. I can't escape.
I draw again while waiting for class to start. Cash comes in and sits next to me. I can tell he's staring over my shoulder again. "You know, if you wanted to see, you could just ask instead of staring over my shoulder" I snap. Wow. I sounded like a complete bitch. "Sorry" I say and and cup my fave with my hands. "No, it's fine. I shouldn't have been staring" he says and looks at his own paper.
I sigh and stop drawing. I sit at my desk, just staring at nothing. "It's a really good drawing by the way" he says. "Thank you" I reply.
"Alright class! Here's our first project!" Mr. W says. He explains the project and it seems like a pretty big one to be honest. I mean, I guess I am in college. But still! It's only the second day of school. "You will be pairing with the person next to you" he says. I look at cash and he looks at me. Great...
