Musings of a Dove

Anger

I used to come upon Anger in sparks, few and so easily extinguished by those pulling my strings, suffocated by heavy Guilt they decided they have no use for.

I feel a kinship with Anger.

Perhaps it is because I believe it is misunderstood, underappreciated and cast aside as a negative charge we need to be rid of.

Anger...

I want to speak of the liberation and the strength you offer me.

I want to speak of the way you pierce the confusion, how you strip me of the Shame others have unjustly placed on my shoulders, how you set me free.

How you managed to keep an ember alive is something that confounds me to this day.

I'm glad you did.

I'm glad I nursed it to a flame.

I'm glad we burned it all down.

The unbridled wave of relief I felt watching grotesque funhouse mirror versions of me melt away in your presence marked my rebirth.

The joy I accompanied you with was raw, shameless and ferocious.

I didn't care that I got burned along the way as well.

I deserved it.

Why had I taken on so much unearned Guilt and Shame?

Why was I so willing to engulf myself in these counterfeit feelings at the behest of those who never fraternize with the real versions for longer than needed to distort them and place them on some unsuspecting soul?

Why did it take me so long to take them through the labyrinth of judgment they made me walk constantly?

Why was I so quick to believe the story they spun in which they cast themselves benevolent merciful heroes?

Why was I so complacent in accepting the monstrous role assigned to me for so long?

I don't know if I can ever make enough sense of what was in order to find the person beneath the monster mask and recast myself. It may be too late for that, however, I don't fear it's too late. I am liberated from this fear, from unearned Shame and maliciously placed Guilt.

 I laughed as they went up in smoke.

I am a beast reborn with formidable flaming wings and I am free...