Musings of a Dove

Love letter from a broken heart

Most people say they are sorry, they tried.

I did not try, nor did I open up, I didn't even leave the door ajar for you. It's locked and bolted and clearly marked as forbidden.

You said you preferred it this way, and so did I.

But I was honest and you, a liar. You lied to yourself and now you're saying we're connected. What a cruel joke!

How can anyone connect with someone so disconnected, so broken?

In truth, you probably only like a piece of me, I guess I made that easier by being ...in pieces.

Perhaps, if I were to go searching for it, I'd find a piece of me that likes you too, a piece that still longs for connection to a kindred spirit, a naïve, foolish, pesky piece.

Don't go looking for it though, there's no point. You'll just hurt yourself. You'll cut yourself in shards of mistrust, hurt, fear, and paranoia. I have an abundance of those.

I also have a big heart, I hope for people. I wish I wouldn't.

That's another piece of me you probably like. It's an attractive thought, gives you the illusion that you could have someone who won't give up on you. But I'm not that person anymore.

Sometimes I wonder if I was ever that person. Sometimes I catch myself wishing you were that person, wishing you had the courage and strength to thaw both of our hearts.

Unfair?

Yes, I know, it's so unfair to ask for more than you're willing to give. I guess I just started getting tired of being the one who always gives more than she receives. I guess I just started getting sick of putting the pieces together, filing the edges away, making myself soft ... lovable.

Lovable ? Me? What a laugh inducing thought! What a sick, nauseating joke to keep playing on myself.

Perhaps, in another World, we were meant for each other. Perhaps in another World we are connected, equals, lovers, friends... soul mates.

I did not try, but I am sorry...