Five nights at Freddy's spoofs

how they became friends

Emily: this job should be a piece of cake, I mean what could possibly go wrong?

*phone rings*

Emily: huh? Who could possibly be calling at this time?

Phone guy: Hello, hello? Uh, I wanted to record a message for you to help you get settled in on your first night. Um, I actually worked in that office before you. I'm finishing up my last week now, as a matter of fact. So, I know it can be a bit overwhelming, but I'm here to tell you there's nothing to worry about. Uh, you'll do fine. So, let's just focus on getting you through your first week. Okay?Uh, let's see, first there's an introductory greeting from the company that I'm supposed to read. Uh, it's kind of a legal thing, you know. Um, "Welcome to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. A magical place for kids and grown-ups alike, where fantasy and fun come to life. Fazbear Entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or person. Upon discovering that damage or death has occurred, a missing person report will be filed within 90 days, or as soon property and premises have been thoroughly cleaned and bleached, and the carpets have been replaced."Blah blah blah, now that might sound bad, I know, but there's really nothing to worry about. Uh, the animatronic characters here do get a bit quirky at night, but do I blame them? No. If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath? I'd probably be a bit irritable at night too. So, remember, these characters hold a special place in the hearts of children and we need to show them a little respect, right? Okay.So, just be aware, the characters do tend to wander a bit. Uh, they're left in some kind of free roaming mode at night. Uh...Something about their servos locking up if they get turned off for too long. Uh, they used to be allowed to walk around during the day too. But then there was The Bite of '87. Yeah. I-It's amazing that the human body can live without the frontal lobe, you know?Uh, now concerning your safety, the only real risk to you as a night watchman here, if any, is the fact that these characters, uh, if they happen to see you after hours probably won't recognize you as a person. They'll p-most likely see you as a metal endoskeleton without its costume on. Now since that's against the rules here at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, they'll probably try to...forcefully stuff you inside a Freddy Fazbear suit. Um, now, that wouldn't be so bad if the suits themselves weren't filled with crossbeams, wires, and animatronic devices, especially around the facial area. So, you could imagine how having your head forcefully pressed inside one of those could cause a bit of discomfort...and death. Uh, the only parts of you that would likely see the light of day again would be your eyeballs and teeth when they pop out the front of the mask, heh.Y-Yeah, they don't tell you these things when you sign up. But hey, first day should be a breeze. I'll chat with you tomorrow. Uh, check those cameras, and remember to close the doors only if absolutely necessary. Gotta conserve power. Alright, good night

Emily: what the- *checks cameras* oh got the bunnie is missing

~meanwhile~

Freddy:ok, the new guard is here can we kill him or her now?

Chica: do we have to Freddy?

Bonnie: yeah, I mean already avenged our killer

Freddy: all humans deserve to suffer the same fate as us

Foxy: arr, the others are right Freddy, what happened wasn't everyones fault

Freddy: fine, Bonnie where are you going?

Bonnie: can't you feel that? Coming from the security room, besides someone has to tell the new one about our agreement

Foxy: arr why don't I go matey

Bonnie: I can cut off the power to the buttons so the security guard cant shut me out

Chica: so can I!

Bonnie: it was my idea, plus you are to fat *leaves*

Chica: HEY!

Emily: *tries to turn on lights* oh god oh god what do I do

Bonnie: don't worry, I won't hurt you

Emily: wha-who are you

Bonnie: I am Bonnie, don't listen to the phone guy. Can I-

Chica: can we come in?

Emily: just don- don't hurt me

Bonnie+Chica: *comes in*

Bonnie: did you hear about the bite?

Emily: yeah, well a little bit. I'm curious about it

Chica: well, there was a guy who had trapped five children in the kitchen. Foxy, the anamatronic in pirates cove, saw what was happening and well, he attacked the guy.

Bonnie: But then Foxy's jaw then got stuck in the guys head. The guy shoved Foxy across the room, a part of the mans' brain going with it. We were performing on stage so there was nothing to do to help the anamatronic that had been knocked out

Chica: the man kkilled the children and their bodies were stuffed into a costume each and ever since then they-we have been forced to get our revenge

Emily: so the childrens souls live on in you. But there are four anamatronics and fibe children killed so how-

Golden Freddy: helloooooo

Emily: oh. Why haven't you killed me yet then?

Bonnie: because we have-

Chica: CUPCAKES! *eats cupcakes*

Foxy: hello matey, welcome to the crew

Emily: what?!?

Foxy: ahhh the poor lass is confused

Freddy: the thing is, we feel a strong conection with you which is why you aren't dead yet

Emily: oh

~6 am~

Bonnie: gotta go

Freddy: come on Chica we have a show to do

Chica: lets do it!

Foxy: arr I wish I could do my ol' routine

Emily: Foxy I...

Foxy: gotta go, see you tomorrow Emily *runs to pirate cove*

Emily: you to Foxy, you to