struggle

betrayal

Riker's P.O.V:
I get to school and make my way to the cafeteria, because that's where we usually wait for everyone. I find a empty table and sit in one of the chairs, as I patiently wait for Roy.

I look around and I see Roy's friends, I want to go over and talk to them, but they would never want to hang out with someone like me. I change my mind, and pull out my journal to write out my feelings.

Writing out my feelings always made me feel better whenever I was in times of distress. A few minutes pass, and then I hear a very familiar voice. I look up to see Roy sitting at his usual table with his friends.

I build up enough courage to walk up to his table and say "Hey Roy!"

Roy turned and gave me the most irritated look on his face.

I was confused and asked "What's wrong?"

He said in a rude tone, "You're disrupting our conversation!" He said it so loud that everyone was looking in our direction.

It went silent, and then everyone started laughing at me. I couldn't help but blush of embarrassment and running out of the cafe and into the bathroom. The bathroom was completely empty so I locked myself in a stall, and just started feeling so....empty.

Like the one person that I thought cared about me, just kicked me in the mud. I start to cry uncontrollably, the same words go through my head again and again.

"Why are you still alive?"

Roy's P.O.V:
After Riker ran out of the cafeteria, I felt like a horrible person and decide to go after him, ignoring the comments that my "friends" were saying.

I approached the restroom door, and slowly stepped inside.

I knew that Riker was in here, so I approached the stall and told him "Can you please come out of the stall, so I can explain myself?"

It was a moment of silence, next a sigh, then showed a sad wolf right in front of me.

I felt so terrible, so I apologized saying "I didn't mean to embarrass you...I just-"

"You what Roy?!" He said, interrupting me.

"I just didn't want my friends to disapprove me  of me hanging out with someone like you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He said angrily.

"I don't know...it's just hard to explain.

"Wait, are you insecure about people knowing that we're friends?" He looked at me deeply in the eyes when he asked me that.

I said "I think so." Then, Riker just sighed and walked out of the restroom, leaving me and my feelings behind.

I feel like I screwed everything up. Why did I feel insecure? Are these group of people really my friends? Why did I act the way I did? Was it worth it? To see Riker being sad and depressed after what he's been through, of course not! I need to make it up to him, but I'm not sure how to. Maybe I just need to think about a plan for now....

[After School]
Riker's P.O.V:
I got through the first day of school, wanting all the pain and suffering to go away. I made it home and go into my room, just crying, crying my heart out.

I grab the knife I kept in my drawer, and I put it up to my arm. I wasn't even thinking straight at the moment, so I just made a few cuts.

As I cut myself I close my eyes and grunt my teeth, resisting the pain. I watch the maroon colored blood drop from my arm and onto the floor. I breathe in and out slowly and put a smile on my face.

Surely it was wrong to cut myself, but it made me feel better. I put the knife back in the drawer and clean up the blood drops on the floor. I wrapped my arm in a bandage to keep it from getting a infection.

"Why don't you just end your life right now?!" my head tells me.

I want to kill myself, but then I'll never see him again.

"He felt bad for you! He never cared about you!!"

Maybe my mind is right.....maybe I should just end it all... I grab the knife from in my drawer and put it at my wrist, ready to be lifeless and covered in blood on the carpet.

I can't help but cry when I thunk of him again. "Oh Roy...I'm so sorry!"

Roy's P.O.V:
I got through another day of school, feeling a lot of guilt on my shoulders. I make it home after walking for 20 minutes.

I sigh in disappointment and open the door, my parents were arguing in their usual way. I make it to my room and sit on my bed, burying my face in my hands. I didn't want him to be humiliated, I was just insecure and didn't know what to do.

I grab my phone and pull up Riker's contact, I hesitantly call him and hear the phone ringing waiting for him to pick up.

"Oh Riker...I'm so sorry..." Thoughts were racing through my mind as I waited for him to pick up the phone, so I could hear his voice.