[ CLOSED FOR REVIEWS ]
About 120K fanfictions emerge when you directly type Harry Potter in the search bar at Wattpad.
While some of them are amazing and well worth every reader's time, there are a great many fanfictions which are either too cliché...
Main Characters: Lola Foster, Dolores Umbridge, Draco Malfoy, the Golden Trio and a few others.
Description:
It's the Golden trio's fifth year at Hogwarts, and, they're excited to come back.
Together with them and all the others, there comes a new student: Lola Foster, who's not like the others.
She has a secret.
She's Dolores Umbridge, the new, kinda evil teacher of Defence Against The Dark Arts at Hogwarts' daughter, with her father being Severus Snape, and, she's got a fake surname and fake backstory to cover that secret of hers.
But, that is not the only secret of hers.
She's also got another, dark secret.
And, she must hide her secrets from everyone, which will cause some problems.
Chapter Count: 21 and Completed.
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Now let's get on with the review!
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1. The Title:
Like I have mentioned many times before, simply naming a fan fic as Dolores' Daughter does not sound quite appealing to the reader. I mean it's great that someone is writing on Dolores as well, but that information can be conveyed through the description, not the title.
2. The Cover:
The cover needs to be improved. I like the picture used in it but it can be further enhanced by using filters, and changing the font style and color. Or maybe using other pictures that are symbolic references to the theme of the story.
3. Concept:
The story is based on Lola Foster who is transferred to Hogwarts from the Durmstrang Institute. She is the daughter of Umbridge and Snape, using a false identity.
4. Review (includes Summary too):
The story starts with a prologue that shows Lola at the graveyard where Lord Voldemort came back into power and had assembled his Death Eaters.
What I think:
I'm going to be plain honest here; this story needs a lot of work. I mean, I like the fact that someone is writing about an OC who is Dolores' daughter but there's not much effort put into it at all. Firstly, I can't imagine Dolores and Snape... Well... I just can't. Secondly, Dolores is portrayed as a Death Eater as well and along with her there are many characters who seem quite different from how they are in canon. I have only read the first five chapters so I don't know if it improves with time or not, but as of now this fanfic needs to improved.
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If you are looking for a story that explores the possibilities of Umbridge having a daughter who attends Hogwarts at the same time when she's teaching there, then this might be the fanfic for you.
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Milicaorevi7, I am extremely sorry for being so straightforward in this review. I think that letting the author know the truth is better rather than sugar coating it. Therefore, I would advise you to carefully structure your whole fanfic. Look out for the grammatical errors and spelling mistakes and also pay attention to the alignment of dialogues. It would be great if you take a look at other fanfics to get an idea of how to improve your writing, if you need any recommendations I will be pleased to help. Or better still, you can read Order of the Phoenix book to get a clearer idea of the events that take place canonically. I only wish the best for you and I know you will definitely improve this fanfic a lot. All it needs is your attention and some time. Don't hesitate to ask for any help from me. Best of luck!
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