The dream was never so clear… reenacting itself each time, coming back to me every other night.
There was this girl dressed in white robes in a room entirely painted white. I called out to her… yes, somehow I knew her name. I went to her. She was trembling in a corner, afraid, crying, sitting down and hugging her legs. I would kneel down beside her each time. Hugged her. Told her everything would be alright. The dream would end then. The girl had never said a word. There was even emotions involved, for I clearly knew in the dream that nothing I do would be able to help her. Nothing I do could change her destiny.
The heavy downpour outside made me sleepy from all the mugging. I was waiting at our usual hangout, waiting for Kris' lecture to end.
Faizai was so sick these days that he was mostly confined in his hostel room. As his clique buddies, Kris and I have agreed to finish up the remaining presentation slides on our own and let him have ample rest. After all, the critical portions were almost all but done.
"Here," I pushed the newly brewed BonCafe coffee towards Kris as she hastily approached the bench. Clearing the space beside me, I meant her to sit beside me instead of opposite. It would facilitate project discussion and easier for laptop reference.
"Thanks Zack, you're really thoughtful," a visibly worn-out Kris took it earnestly and warmed her palms with it. Throwing her Adidas navy blue sling bag to one corner, she sat down beside me and heaved a deep sigh.
"Been a busy day?" I knew she had a long day. Tuesdays were killer days for her, with six hours worth of back to back lectures and tutorials. All in exchange for freeing up her Wednesdays.
"Yeah… and also reprimanded by the tutor for dozing off in class today. Sorry for whining… But gosh.. So tired!" She covered her mouth but I could see the yawn in her eyes. Even her usually neatly tied and clipped hair looked slightly messed up. I gave her an encouraging pat on the back while booting my laptop. The faster we complete our slides, the earlier she can get home for a good rest. Unlike us, Kris did not stay in school hostel.
We worked hard through the rest of the night, eating packed dinner as we designed new slides and brainstormed fresh ideas.
It was well past one a.m. in the wee hours when I finally wrapped up on editing the last conclusive slide. Grinning to myself, I turned around to share the joy with my comrade, only to find her head snuggling comfortably against her angel white MacBook. Well, she couldn't have returned home now anyway, So might as well let her have a good rest here. I put my jacket around her and looked at the open field in front of me.
I thought about Carinne, and whether being together with Rin was just a substitution for losing her. My relationship with Rin was progressing way too fast. It took me five months of dating before I had the courage to hold Carinne's hand back then. Now… I don't know. I've went way beyond that.
Rin was a really nice girl. Her appearance had been akin to a fairytale coming alive. She was ready to love, ready to commit, daring to venture, daring to brave through storms with me. But somehow Rin had a sorrow that she's not saying… something deep that could only made me helplessly watch from the sides.
I suddenly felt warmer. Kris had recovered from her knockout and gently placed my jacket around me.
"You're gonna catch a cold this way. I have my own jacket," she looked freshened up, ready for another round of project work it seemed.
"Good morning," I hoarsed. My throat felt dry with the constant assault of the wind.
"Don't you have to return to your hostel?" Kris asked, fully aware that I was just accompanying her here. There was a trace of guilt, since she knows I still have lectures just hours later.
