To All The Boys I've Loved Before ;; jisung x Ot8

💌 a letter to you

it could lead to a million things.

•••

channie
oh come on jisung,
i think we all know you
arent busy tomorrow!

chan i really cant my mom
needs me tomorrow!
also because i love you guys|
also because i lo|
also be|
sorry channie

A thousand words couldn't make up a single thought, especially the ones for you, ive tried time and time again, over and over, but it was no use, you guys had captured my heart and i couldn't do anything about it, it was as if you meant to, but i couldn't tell it it was on purpose or not.

it was a misunderstanding
she misheard and misunderstood so
i forgave her yesterday. i really wish i could
hang out with you guys.

but even so, given any circumstance, i couldn't find an answer to why my heart was like this, why did my heart love seven guys at once, why did everything have to fall apart, and not fall into place, why.. it's the only question i can ask, and i know it will never be answered. but i always know i'm unloved, even my parents didn't have to say it, i just know it.

lixie
squirrel hyung i hope
everything is okay 🥺
you usually hang out with us but
i can tell you need space hyungie
but if you ever need someone i'm here
don't forget that 💕

tears don't do anyone justice, you can cry, and cry, but nothing changes, it's still the same old life you can't reverse or take back, it's a life you're stuck with forever. and i've cried, countless times, thousands of tears but nothing ever seemed to change, you guys were happy and that's all that mattered.

min
hey ji, i know your mom
doesn't need you, ive known
you since we were kids, so i can read
you like a book, it's okay if you don't
want to tell me now, but i hope
you can tell me eventually

i'm sorry hyung, but there is just
something on my mind that i need to
let go of, so i need some me time, i hope
you guys understand

but where were you really? i was torn apart, and abused, and was always the target for everything that i couldn't tell anyone how i truly felt, i didn't want anyone to know how i truly felt, how much it hurt to look at you guys being happy, to look at you guys and see that i'm not the one making you happy, i'm never the one to.

minnie 🌿:
hey sungie, i want you
to know i love you, and although
you're taking some time for yourself
i want you to know that there's
8 boys who love you!!

thanks seungmin, it means a lot
even if i'm taking time for myself
i'll always keep you guys in mind

you could never leave my mind, you were stuck there. i didn't want to think of you guys, or love you guys in the ways i did, but it was just so.. great, i felt so at home, and so safe with you guys and it hurt like hell, it hurt more than you could ever imagine.

hyunnie
hey sungie, i hope you feel
better 💕 i know it's hard now,
but it'll get better with time, okay?
we love you 💕

i really appreciate it hyunnie
thank you, i mean it,
it means so so much

you mean everything to me, all of you guys do, but it hurts, where we're you guys when i was being hurt, abused, bullied, and always pinned for things i didn't do. you never knew anything about my life, but i know you all cared. i'm sorry, but i can tell you guys soon, when i'm ready.

innie 💌:
hyungie!! i want you to know!
that i left you a small plushie!
it was one of my favorites, he always
helped me when i was down!! his name
is popcorn!! feel better soon hyungie!!

definitely innie, thank you for
the little plushie, i hope he can make
me feel better, have fun today at the
beach with everyone. and have fun for hyung!

can you help not hurt hurt anymore? it hurt so bad and it hurt so much that i couldn't see where my happiness was. i couldn't see it because it was gone, and baby i never want to see you in pain, that's why i take all the pain away from you, that's why everyone is happy, because all i do is take the pain away.

binnie 💕:
jisung, please take care of yourself
i don't want another incident to happen
we remember what happened last time
when you told me that you needed space.
and that didn't end well did it.
i just want you to know you mean
the world to me and everyone else,
and that no matter what, you will always
and i mean always, be in our hearts.

thanks bin hyung, i just, yknow need
space because everything has been so
crazy these past few months and i
can help but take a breather
and i promise on my life that i won't
do a anything stupid, i regret the thing i did
all those years ago 💕

i told you once more i regretted it, but did i really? you all would've been so happy without me, seungmin wouldn't have to be afraid to let me be alone, chan and jeongin didn't have to worry about me, bin and lix didn't have to take care of me, and hyunjin and minho just didn't have to care about me anymore. it hurt so much to see you guys worry about my struggles, but you guys never wondered or asked how i was doing or how i felt, it all hurt so bad, and i couldn't help but keep it to myself.

and i hurt myself because of it, i hurt myself because i wanted to see if i could still feel pain, and i could, i could feel the excruciating pain, but it al felt so good, it felt so good to feel again, and i needed that reassurance over and over again, that it got out of hand, and i'm sorry i'm never going to tell you guys, i just don't want you to worry anymore.