My REAL Lifetime Movie

Bite The Bullet

I am trying my hardest to ignore that voice but I am so angry as I listen to my public defender. He is reading a typed letter to me, that the social worker has wrote to the judge. It says I was absuing prescription medication that wasn't prescribed to me, during my pregnancy. That's all?!?! I am so mad but I feel relieved because I thought this was something out of my control. Something I couldn't fight but when I hear this letter, I knew she was referring to a medication that I was in fact prescribed. It was just an old script. I only used this medicine when I felt I had to because I hated how sick it made me feel. No one ever told me that just because it was old, you weren't allowed to take it. When I found out I was pregnant, I had spoke with my doctor about the safety of taking it and he explained that it had never been proven to cause any problems but they didn't really trust it. Say no more! I immediately threw the rest of it in the trash because I am not going to take anything that could cause problems to my child. Nothing was said about it for awhile until my doctor said it was strange because it hasn't shown up in my urine for awhile and then suddenly shows up. It was weird but it didn't seem to be a problem and then the next it didn't show up at all. No one thought anything of this and I went about my pregnancy and my appointments as normal. So, I'm explaining all of this to the public defender and asking what I can do because this lady has typed something completely false and I can prove this. I am told that we can take it to trial and go digging up all the information we need but I would be looking at a really long time for reunification with my babies, OR, I could go in and just bite the bullet, take a case plan and quickly get the kids back home. I had to think on this for a long while because it was so unfair. How can she get away with lying about something that she never tried to even get proof of? And the fact that she never once drug tested me through this whole investigation. This is crazy. After thinking on it and pacing the hallway, I decided that I would take his advice and "bite the bullet" only because I want my kids home. But I am angry because I shouldn't have to do this. We go into court, to face the judge and my public defender tells her that I am pleading guilty and would like to take the case plan but he wanted to make a statement on my behalf, just so everyone knew, that the medicine I had been taking prior to finding out I was pregnant, was in fact a prescribed medicine. The social worker tried to come up with a few different things to cause a problem but thankfully it didn't work. She even tried to say there may be an issue with paternity because my fiance wasn't listed as father on the kids birth certificates. My fiance and I both laughed at this because we knew better. We both have always filled the babies papers out together. The judge asked us about this and we told her we knew different and had no idea where she got this from. She then asked my fiance was he saying he WAS the father and he answered yes. The judge tells the social worker, if she has the father sitting right in front of her saying he is the father, then he is the father in book. The social worker didn't seem very happy that day because I know her intentions were to cause alot more problems than she already had but that didn't work out for her. Bad enough you got my kids right now and you have me working a case plan and being drug screened by the courts, all for no good reason. My fiance's attorney told him that as soon as we got into an apartment, call him so we can go back to court because the kids could come home and he could be "supervisor" of me, until this is over. We agree and walk out of there, heading downstairs with my dad and step mom. We're discussing this whole thing now that I know what this is all about and none of us can believe it. We say our goodbyes so we can go across the street and submit our first drug screen. It only takes about five minutes and we're good to go. Of course we both pass because neither of us do any drugs. So, we got this out of the way and as angry as we both are, we are trying to work really hard at getting into a place so the babies can come home. We also had been told we would have a different social worker to meet with, to handle a case plan. I am hoping like hell that this one will be better than the last one. About a week goes by and we get a call to meet with the new social worker. We chose to meet her at the public library because we don't have a place yet and we're on foot, as usual. She agrees, so we get there a little early to wait on her.
I don't know why I'm so nervous but I am. I guess maybe because these people have so much power and you don't have to do anything wrong for them to make your life a living hell. She walks in and is headed toward us. I knew by her badge who she was but she knew us because I had already told her where we would be sitting. She introduced herself as our social worker and right away I knew I was going to like this girl so much better. She seemed very down to earth. You know, a lot of these case workers try to overdo their role. They think they're supposed to dress up from head to toe and act all above you. This girl was like us. She didn't try to act a certain way and she was wearing jeans and a tshirt. I explained to her right away what had happened and told her that I didn't agree with any of this but was doing what needed to be done so my babies could come home. I'm not sure if she believed it or not. They say you're never to trust a social worker no matter how nice they are. They also say that they will pretend to be your friend and help you with anything you need but that it's a lie. So, my guard is definitely up. We quickly go over a case plan and sign a bunch of papers. Our case plan consists of, keeping and maintaining a job and housing, attending parenting classes, doing a mental health assessment and remaining "clean and sober". This irritated me because there was never an issue with being clean and sober but I guess I have to go along with this and make the world think I was a druggie, to satisfy the other case workers accusations. It's bullshit honestly but again, I have to do whatever they say so I can get my babies back. It's a blessing that my dad and step mom stepped in to take my babies during this mess. I am so thankful for them. I know at their house, my kids are very well taken care of, loved, given attention and having fun. But I know that it's extremely hard on them going from grown children to three babies. They are getting an excellent relationship built with the only grandparents they have left but it sucks that it's happening in this kind of situation. My dad lives thirty minutes from us so it isn't easy to do the visits. I am always asking for pictures or asking how they're doing but at the same time, as much as I miss them, I feel like it would be better to leave it alone until we can bring them home. These social workers do not understand the effect it has on the kids and the parents. A negative effect. We are so happy when we finally see each other but then my baby girl will start crying because she's so happy and she's confused. Once she calms down, we are having a blast witj each other and we're soaking up as much as we can but the visits go so fast. When it's over and time to leave, that's when they are an emotional wreck and crying, screaming and begging and there I am, crying and my heart feeling like it's being ripped out of my chest. It's the worst feeling over and over again and the kids don't understand. They wonder where mommy and daddy is and why they keep showing up to just leave them all over again. They want to be home, with their parents. But more than half of these social workers do not have children and the ones that do, have theirs at home, so they could care less about someone elses and what they're going through. All I keep hearing in my head is the system talk about "best interest of the child" and how they follow this policy. That would be one hundred percent bullshit. If they did, they wouldn't put a child through this devastation and heart break. Unless it's really called for. I'm all for children being removed from a violent, abusive or drug infested home because they are better off with someone who will love them and take care of them. But to remove them during situations like mine? I don't understand it. I am not one to bash anyone or throw their business out there but I sit every single day wondering how the system really works. I know a couple of different mom's, that I used to live by who is going through court dates and case plans. I have no problems with these women and actually used to sit out and talk with them occasionally but I will say this, the reason for their court dates and case plans was because there was some bad things involved around the children or to the children. It was wrong and something should have been done to stop it and keep it from happening again. What I can't wrap my mind around is the fact that when the case workers came in, who happened to be the same workers I have, they did not remove their children. They went to court and they recieved a case plan they now have to work but they always kept their children. This was different scenarios but my point is that there was problems in the home that the kids needed the help to be removed and they wasn't but mine was and neither me or my fiance did anything but work and be with our children every single day. No drugs, no abuse. We was happy. Now that has been destroyed and it seems there is nothing I can do about it because they're all on a team together, so every person you go to, they're against you, too. I am seeing this everywhere now. So many innocent children, needing the help but no-one is helping, women's prisons allowing women to keep their babies, in prison with them because it's so crucial to a child to be with their mother, parent's in rehab, working programs so that their kids can continue to be with them...What is going on with the system?