Dedication

Family Comes First

It was late at night, probably 1 am, everyone was already asleep, scattered around the room tired from all the work they did but I just couldn't seem to be able to do the same. I lay awake on the floor craving sleep but it just wasn't happening. Slowly, I stood up, careful not to step on anyone or wake them up by being too loud and put on my shoes, planning on going out once more. I grabbed my phone and walked out the door, being cautious to not make any noise when closing it. The night was cold and all I had on was a small jacket that I brought along with me but I paid no attention to the chilly air and instead embraced it. I still hadn't cooled down from earlier when Duke appeared even after I walked out to clear my mind. I have no idea why I reacted so harshly to the point that my youngers were scared of me but there was just something about Duke, the way he spoke, that just frustrated me to no end. I didn't realize what I was doing until Kookie told me but now that I know, I feel so ashamed. I'm usually so calm and collected so what exactly caused me to react like that? It wasn't entirely Duke's fault but something in how he acted struck a nerve and I just snapped.

I sighed and realized that I walked all the way to a dimly lit park so I decided to go and sit down on the swings. Sitting hunched over, my head in my hands, I started to tremble slightly. Not from the cold, not from fear, but from frustration in my self. My mind was dizzy, my chest was burning and I felt numb, all of these things combined are something that I never experienced. I wanted to cry and I could feel the tears welling up but I didn't know why I felt this way. Why did I want to cry? Why was I in so much pain when I did nothing to cause it? Without realizing, the tears started falling down my face. First one, then another, then soon the tears came out endlessly, I was a crying mess but no sound came out, no, the only way you would know that I was crying would be the increase in my trembling. I was gasping for the air that wouldn't enter my lungs and soon enough loud sobs rang through the silence of the night. All that passed through my mind were the scared faces of my youngers that peeked from behind Jayden and Joseph. I feel sorry that they had to see me get like that over such a small thing especially when they are not used to seeing me angry.

Seconds turned to minutes and minutes turned to hours when slowly, the sun started to appear from behind the mountains and by that time I had no more tears to cry. The only proof that I had been crying all night being my puffy red eyes and the dry tear stains littering my cheeks. I checked the time on my phone to see that it was already 5 am and that I had hardly any battery left so it would turn off soon. I sighed and stood up, wiping away the tear stains with the sleeve of my jacket. To not cause much suspicion about being out all night, I passed by a McDonald's to get everyone breakfast. With a vague memory of the path back to Kookie's house, I reached the house by 6:30 and walked in, noticing that no one was awake yet. I leave the food in the kitchen and walk into the bathroom to wash my face. After drying my face I look into the mirror and almost scream after seeing Jayden leaning aginst the door.

"Jayden, oh my god, you almost gave me a heart attack!" I whisper yelled, trying not the wake up the others.

"Where were you this morning?" He asked in a serious voice.

"What do you mean?" I question innocently.

"I woke up at 3 and I didn't see you, I assumed you went to the bathroom so I went back to sleep, I woke up again at 5 and saw you still weren't back, that's when I noticed that your shoes, phone, and jacket weren't there so where the hell were you?" He glared slightly and crossed his arms.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I continued but started to fidget due to his intense glare.

"Oh cut the bullshit Angel, where the hell were you this morning, and don't even try to act innocent, I know you weren't in the house!" He yelled and walked closer.