Hold Me Too Close

Siberia - Canto 2

Canto 2
Here I am,
sitting alone in a dark room,
holding back the things unspoken in my heart from leaving my mouth.
I reflect on everything we've been through, and feel a million feelings at once.
Shock,
anger,
sadness,
all bubbling inside the pit of my stomach, and me about to burst at any second.
I accuse you in my head of cheating me. I accuse you of lying to me.
Of leading me on.
Of cruelty.
Of shame.
I hate you at this moment, I hate you because I still care for you.
I hate you because your face is still etched into my mind, your voice
still lingers in my ears, and your name is still on the edge of my lips.
The things I sacrificed for you were worthless.
The secrets I exposed now shoot back at me like an arrow, and nervous darts carve at my heart.
The loneliness I had
before I met you,
before you saved me, rips apart the hollow cavity where my heart once was. The pieces that you picked up with me so tediously, the shards you tried to put back together, are now on the ground again.
But it's okay. You are free now.
You'll be happier now.
You'll make new memories, and create new loves.
You'll think new thoughts, and experience new songs.
One day, my voice will seem like a distant echo.
My face,
nothing but another set of eyes, a mouth, and a nose.
My name will bring about memories. You'll forget about me,
and move on.
And I'll go on
with my life, the life
I can't ever seem to escape, the life
of a loner.
I'll go live a different story.
Maybe then I'll decide if I'm the hero, or the villain;
the lover,
or the fighter.
If I'm free, or if life is predestined.
No matter what,
I'll survive.
Maybe saying that enough will distract me from the feeling that I won't. Maybe saying it enough will make it true.