Lutteo One Shots

Fuck Anxiety

Hahahahaha took me long enough to pull my shit together and finish writing this.

I really hate this one shot but I've been procrastinating on writing it for like a year so I posted it anyway. I'm gonna try harder to write more now.

Luna honestly loved her job at the Jam and Roller. She would be able to help others through the thing she loved most: skating. It always brightened up her day when she sees a person accomplish something with her guidance. And not to mention the fact that she was able to be on wheels all day, every day. And she was completely happy where she was.

But the job also had its flaws. Actually, her job wasn't the complete reason to these certain flaws. And no matter how hard Luna tried not thinking about the negative sides to her working at the Roller, there was always something that brought her back to her feared reality. The reality that she could never fulfill her dream to compete in a competition. Because what was stopping her was definitely not the lack of skill. All her hopes and dreams were thrown into a bottle with a corkscrew when she found out that she was completely incapable of being in front of a crowd. And no, it wasn't a silly fear. It was actually quite far from this idea really.

Luna had anxiety.

She hasn't really told anyone about it other than Simon. He was the only one that was capable of calming her down. But even sometimes her panic attacks were too much for even him to handle.

And it was quite a mystery how she even got her job. She could still skate on the rink as long as there wasn't an entire group judging her performance. Without the eyes on her, watching her every move, she was capable of skating around care-free whilst on the rink. Of course there were a few wandering eyes (like of a certain Italian for instance), but it never took her down as far as it went.

Currently, Luna was skating around the rink, perfecting a move that she had been working on for a couple of days now.

It was all a part of the process of inventing, combining, and correcting to achieve the move.

Luna's mind was always in the clouds, thinking of moves like the one she was working on. And although there was no way of showing off her extreme capability, she did them for the fun of them and for the preparation of the day when she finally gets over her anxiety. If that ever happens though.

She rounds the corner of the rink forwards then jumping backwards and spins with her right leg extended. Her leg falls gracefully back into place but she doesn't stop turning, even as she bends her knees slightly. She ends the move by slowly coming to a stop. A smile was stretched across her lips as she looked down at her skates, proud of the complicated move she just did.

"Well done, Luna," a voice says, startling her.

She looks over at Tamara who was grinning at Luna. It was then that Luna realized that the Roller Team now had their eyes on her. Tamara directed her attention back to them. "This is what we need in the choreography to exceed the expectations of the judge."

Luna smiled nervously, her heart already beginning to pace. She knew what was going to be said next.

"Do you think that you can show us the move again?"

There it was.

The smile on Luna's face faltered a little and she began fidgeting with the ring on her finger. "Uh..."

"I mean if you want to, of course." Tamara looked expectantly at her.

"No no no, I'll do it again. It's just that I still need to perfect it." She caught a glimpse of the group that was watching her intently, noticing that Matteo had his signature smirk pulled across his lips. Their eyes met momentarily.

"From what I saw, it looked more than perfect to me. And don't worry, we just need at least an idea of what you just did."

We just need at least an idea...

Need. They were counting on her. They needed her to demonstrate. If she didn't show them, could it cost them the competition? Would they hate her for not showing them? Her heart was pacing rapidly at this point.

"O-okay." Her voice shook slightly.

The group gave room for her. She took a couple of deep breaths, but it didn't calm her nerves.

Luna began skating around the rink once before jumping backwards. She released a relieved sigh when she did the move without stumbling or falling. But she wasn't done yet.

And just like that, the sound of her own heartbeat reached her ears like it had done mere minutes ago. If she were calmer, she may have been able to do the move. If her breathing were normal and her vision stable, she may have been able to do the move. If she was not in the middle of a panic attack, she would've been able to do the move.

But she was in the middle of a panic attack, her breathing abnormal and her vision tunneling.

While attempting the spin, she lost her balance and fell over.

Fuck anxiety.

She couldn't see anything. She couldn't see anything but the group that stared back at her. They were judging her. They were all thinking the same thing. All thinking that she was stupid and incapable. That she was useless and a fool. Their unsaid words, or really, her interpretation of them, surrounded her until it was so so hard to breath.

Luna was prone to overthinking. Actually, overthinking was usually the thing that triggered her anxiety attacks. It was never actually the fact that she was scared to present in front of a crowd of people, no. It was actually the overthinking that lead her to such a state.

Struggling to her feet she managed, somehow, to stumble out of the rink before she collapsed on her knees in the locker room. Her breathing was short paced and quick to the point where she couldn't even hear anything else. Her brain rattled and nothing could be made out in her field of vision. Leaning against the wall, she    brings her knees up to her chest and hides her face, racking her brain for the technique that Simón had always done with her whenever in a situation like this.

In the distance, her name is called out. Another presence is suddenly in the room and immediately goes down on his knees next to the trembling girl.

"Hey, Luna. Luna. Luna, look at me.‍" A warm hand gently lifts her face so she could meet eyes. It was Matteo.

"Okay, Luna. Listen to me, okay?" She finally gives in and stares back at the warm, chocolate eyes that were Matteo's.

"Good," Matteo whispers. He retracts his hand and gently grabs her's. "Focus on my pulse, okay?"

The brunette finds his pulse with her thumb and begins to immediately follow the rhythm of his pulsation that happened to be slightly quick. She thought of how this very vein was connected to his heart. That at this very moment, she was feeling, almost hearing it, and somehow this idea calmed her.

She didn't know how long she stayed like that with Matteo and frankly, she didn't care.

Finally, Luna forces herself to speak, "I uhh.. thanks for... helping me."

Matteo smiled at her. She felt his thumb wipe away her tears.

"Take care of yourself, Chica Delivery," was all he said before he skated away and Luna was left staring at his retreating back in awe.