Sacrifice--Hozuki x Reader (Hoozuki no Reitetsu)

Chapter 11

(F/N) lay on her back in the bed of her mandatory Heaven-provided house. She kept thinking back to Hozuki asking if he could kiss her, Hozuki saying he loved her, and mentally slapping herself over not responding the way she very much wanted to. Every time she was with him, she found herself freezing up.

Finally, after hours of ruing the day she was born, (F/N) remembered one of the greatest pieces of life—or afterlife—advice she'd ever received.

If you can't say it, write it.

So (F/N) leapt out of bed, and wrote Hozuki a letter.

~o0o~

(F/N) got to the offices of Enma with no problem. Fortunately, she remembered the tour she was given fairly well, and was able to find her way to Hozuki's office without having to talk to anyone she didn't know. She stood outside the door, the letter in one hand, her other one reaching for the knob. For a moment, she hesitated. If she did this, it was the point of no return. She couldn't very well turn around and apply for reincarnation after telling Hozuki all the things she wrote in her letter.

(F/N) shook herself. Idiot! Don't get cold feet now! Just do it!

She was about to open the door when someone called out to her.

"Ah! (F/N)-san, right?"

(F/N) froze, and slowly turned around. It was the small, fluffy-haired oni from her last trip to the offices of Enma. He greeted her with a smile, but (F/N) found herself unable to respond.

Shit! I wasn't mentally prepared for this! What should I do? Should I return the greeting? I should, right? What was his name again? Nasubi? But what if I'm remembering incorrectly? Oh, no! I've been thinking about this for too long! He probably thinks I'm weird, or rude, or dumb...

"Are you here to see Hozuki-sama?" Nasubi asked, oblivious to her inner turmoil. "I can tell him you're here if you want. Hey, Hozuki-sa—"

"That won't be necessary. Thank you! Bye!"

(F/N) fled. Minutes later, she was in the wasteland outside the Offices of Enma, mentally cursing herself for her stupidity.

God dammit! He definitely thinks I'm rude now! Why did I do that? I should have just stayed quiet, done what I needed to do...oh, no...I didn't give Hozuki-kun the letter! I wasted my whole afternoon—"

She raised her hands, and slapped both cheeks.

Shut up, brain. It's not a big deal. I'll just give the letter to him later, or if worse comes to worse, I'll mail it. That might actually be a good idea. I'm less likely to get cold feet that way. I should ask Hakutaku-sama how mailing things works here...

Actually, come to think of it, where is the letter?

~o0o~

(F/N) wasted no time sneaking back into the offices of Enma, and searching everywhere for the lost letter. If some random Hell minion found that, and read it, she would die of embarrassment.

After half an hour of unsuccessful searching, (F/N) collapsed on the engawa by the goldfish plants. She was seriously considering reincarnating into an amoeba. Amoebas didn't get anxiety.

"There you are, (F/N)-chan."

(F/N) tensed at the sound of Hozuki's voice. Had the letter somehow made it back to him? Or had he been looking for her for some other reason?

"I heard from some of the Hell minions that you've been wandering the halls," he continued, sitting beside her. "Did you get lost?"

(F/N) relaxed.

"Yeah...I got lost," she lied. It was better than admitting she'd been trying to give him a love letter, and panicked at the last minute when she was approached by the single least intimidating creature in the afterlife.

"Next time, just ask someone for directions. I promise all the Hell minions will treat you with respect. If they don't..."

"I don't want to know."

Every time Hozuki brought up punishing or torturing someone, all (F/N) could think of was what he would do to her if he knew the truth. She'd heard of Hell's torture methods...the lake of blood, the scalding cauldrons, the trees with bladed leaves...would this man, who was so kind to her now, do all sorts of horrible things to her if he knew who she used to be? And more importantly, did she deserve it?

(F/N) felt something warm rest on her shoulder, and snapped out of her thoughts to find Hozuki settling an arm around her, pulling her close to him.

'If there really is a such thing as the afterlife...'

No! I don't want to go to Hell!

"You're worrying about something again, aren't you?" Hozuki asked.

(F/N) tensed. She had been about to push him away, but something about what he said made her hesitate. He was so worried about her, and he didn't know he was the reason she was suffering. It wasn't fair to him.

"Yes..." she murmured, "sorry."

(F/N) forced herself to relax, and lean into his touch.

"You don't have to apologize," he replied. "I just wish there was something I could do to help you."

A smile came unbidden to (F/N)'s lips.

"What you're doing right now is plenty."

She let her head fall against his shoulder, and closed her eyes. This was what she wanted—to be happy with him in peaceful moments such as this one, and, feeling his warmth next to her, she almost thought that could be a reality.

Maybe it could be. Maybe, for just one moment, she could pretend the past didn't exist, and enjoy being with the person she loved. Maybe she could overcome her fear, and tell him she loved him directly, as it should be.

"Hey, Cho-kun..."

Hozuki tensed, and his hand fell from her shoulder. It took (F/N) one, two, three seconds to realize what she'd done wrong, and in that moment, her skin turned to ice.

"(F/N)-chan."

Hozuki turned to look at her painfully slowly. His voice was calm as the surface of a lake in wintertime, and just as cold.

"(F/N)-chan," he repeated, "how do you know that name?"

(F/N) didn't answer. She wanted to cry, scream, and run into a pair of comforting arms that felt like home, but those were Hozuki's arms, and he was the one staring at her with that horrible look of realization in his eyes.

"When you were leaving flowers for the dead, you gave a bouquet to me. I've wondered this before, but how exactly did you figure out I was dead?"

(F/N) swallowed. Her mouth was dry, and her voice cracked as she spoke, but she forced herself to say those horrible words.

"I...was there...when you died."

Hozuki watched her, no shift in his expression, not giving away any indication of how he felt as she continued.

"I lived in the village...my name was Shion—I sacrificed you—it was my fault! I—I—I'm..."

I'm so sorry.

(F/N) didn't wait for a response. She turned her back, and ran.