State of Soul

Chocolates in Heaven

I'm not good at this.

"I want juice."

I have no idea what I'm doing.

"I can't open my crackers."

How am I supposed to do this?

"Where's Mommy?"

I glance down at the little girl who is sitting beside me. Her long auburn locks fall in curled waves to the middle of her back, the breeze blowing through them. Her big green eyes are locked on mine, her long eyelashes fluttering with each blink. Freckles sit scattered across her porcelain features as soft pink dust over her cheeks, crumbs from her food sitting at the corners of her lips. Innocence radiates from her.

"Uncle Ethan," she continues, "where's Mommy?"

Where's Mommy?

The one question I don't want to have to answer. The one question I don't even want to entertain because...because I don't know what to say. How do I even begin to tell her about her mom? How can I tell her about what happened? I can't. I can't do that to her. A little girl like her shouldn't know.

Faking a soft smile, I sigh, "How about you take another drink of your juice?"

She pouts, "Where's Mommy?"

"Here, take a drink," I say, ignoring her question.

I try to place the straw in her mouth, but she pushes it away. "Where's Mommy?!"

Her brows are furrowed, and her nose wrinkled. She's trying to appear intimidating—something she probably learned from Marci.

Marci.

My throat goes dry. My sister was always a firecracker who radiated. People were attracted to her as if she was a brilliant luminance. Whenever she would walk into a room, her smile would simply light it up. She was just that special and amazing. That's just how Marci was.

And seeing her daughter...seeing my niece...I see Marci in her. Annabelle inherited her mother's thick, curly hair and wide green eyes. More so, she inherited her mother's shining, million-dollar smile. But right now, at this moment, the corners of her lips are drawn down into a sour frown. Okay. So, she inherited her mother's attitude, too. Regardless, she's so much like Marci.

Defeated, I huff, "Mommy is...Mommy went to...Mommy had to leave."

She lifts a brow. "Mommy had to...leave?"

"Mmm-hmm. Yeah. She had to leave, kiddo."

"Where'd she...where'd she go, uncle Ethen?"

A twinge pulls at my chest. "Mommy went to...she had to go to...do you know what Heaven is, Belle?"

Annabelle tilts her head to the side, nodding, "Yeah. Mommy told me about it. That's where Jesus is, right?"

"Yup. Jesus is there."

She lowers her stare to her crackers. I can't read the young girl's expression. There is merely a small sliver of concentration. That's all, leaving me to speculate that she's digesting it all.

"Is Mommy there?" she abruptly asks, returning her gaze to me. "Is Mommy with Jesus?"

I bite my lower lip. "Y-yes. Mommy's in Heaven with Jesus."

There's a snippet of silence before she smiles, "That means Mommy gets to eat all the chocolate she wants!"

Chocolate? This kid hates chocolate. I think.

I try to chuckle, "Chocolate? What made you pick that?"

What my niece does next, I do not expect. She turns back to her crackers, eating them before taking a sip of her juice. I just observe her, baffled when she glances up at me again.

She beams, "Mommy said that when we go to Heaven, it's full of all our favorite things!"

"But you don't like chocolate, kiddo," I chortle.

"I know," she says confidently. "But Mommy liked chocolate, so there's gonna be a whole bunch of chocolate waiting there for her!"

My eyes go wide. My adorably beautiful niece...my sister's daughter...has more than just her mother's features. What she just said is something Marci would say. That is something Marci would say almost word for word.

With tears glossing my eyes, I smile, "Yup. Yup, you're right. Mommy is eating all the chocolate she could ever want."

"Yay!" she cheers.

And it all becomes crystal clear. I can do this. I can do what needs to be done. I can raise this little girl. I can do it all because I know that no matter what, we'll all be just fine. Marci will be watching over us, even while she eats her chocolates.

© 2019 K.N. Herzner