How it was

Alone

When I got to the creek, I sat down on the same stump as before. I felt confused and somewhat broken. If anything, why couldn't he tell me himself? I think that was what bothered me the most; the fact that he sent Carol to do his dirty work for him. I could not fathom what exactly was going on. My head felt like it was going to explode. I felt like I used to when I was school and I got rejected: stupid, embarrased, ashamed, ect.

I spent a lot of time thinking about everything leading up to what had happened with Carol. Things weren't exactly adding up. Why would had he followed me out here yesterday and been so set on keeeping me safe just to embarrass me like that? Why did he even bring me back? I was beginning to feel very insecure. I hadn't felt this way in a long time. Of course I was probably overreacting but what did anyone expect of a ninteen year old girl? Yeah, I had grown up alot due to the zombie apocalypse but I still was who I was. A young girl who graduated high school at the age of sixteen to pursue a career as a surgeon. No one else in the group besides me knew that about myself. Although, it was probably because I usually kept to myself and no one had ever asked. Plus, no one had gotten hurt while I was here and they seemed to have Hershel as their group doctor. So, I decided that it was okay to keep that to myself.

If anyone had probably ever asked, I would have told them. I wasn't one to just up and brag about who I was. I was a considerate person. But despite everything about myself, no matter how smart I was when I graduated high school as valedictorian a year ahead of when I was supposed to, and how I had gotten accepted into medical school, none of that mattered anymore. Survival mattered. It no longer mattered how big of numbers you could divide or how to find the LCM of polynomials. All that mattered was how well you could protect yourself; how fast you were, how strong, how good you were with a gun. And if you weren't any of those things, you usually didn't get accepted into groups because people who weren't any of those things, just slowed them down.

Not to say I wasn't good at any of those things was why I was insecure because that wasn't it. I was just insecure because of a stupid thing that I thought could happen with Daryl. I had been stupid and distracted when I should have been focusing on my survival. All of this thinking led to whether I should leave or stay.

Tear escaped from my eyes when I realized how much leaving would hurt me now. After all, no matter how much I had decided I should suppress my feelings for Daryl I was still going to miss him. But it wasn't just that. It was everyone else in the group. It was Carl and the way he smiled at me every time he saw me. It was Hershel who was always there to give me great advice. It was Glenn and Maggie and the way they were great friends. It was everyone who gave me a chance when they didn't have to.

Needless to say, I went back. I had never felt more glad with a decision. And I realized that if I would have left, I would have been more alone than ever. Despite my feeling alone right now due to Daryl, at least here I had everyone besides him and Carol. And that was something.

..............

I sat alone in some tall grass looking off into the distance. Here from this position, I felt the same thing I had just twenty four hours ago. That no matter what devastation was going on in the world, you could still see some beauty left. The sunset was extremely beautiful and I couldn't take my eyes away from the sight. But I had to when Daryl walked up and sat beside me.

"Whatcha doing?" He asked, seeming as if nothing was wrong. For a second, I felt as if I didn't have the strength to lift my head up and look at him. But when I thought about how he had just walked up to me as if nothing had happened, I couldn't stop myself. I got up and looked at him and spoke with so much pain and hatred in my voice that I almost didn't know who I was.

"Who do you think you are?" I asked,"How do you think you can just walk up to me like nothing ever happened? I thought that I scared you. I thought that I creeped you out." His forehead creased together and for a second it looked like his eyes had glasses over. But then I realized I was probably just imagining that. He stood there looking utterly confused and never spoke like I thought he would. When he didn't, I backed up from where I stood and started to wall away from him. But I knew he would follow me. As he did. So, I sprinted for the woods and headed towards the creek, the only safe haven I truly knew, for the second time today.