The Voldemort and Stalin Chronicles

CHAPTER TWO: The Adventure Awaits for Sexy and Slutty Voldemort and Stalin

           The day had just begun. Stalin was still in pain from yesterday's birthing. However, that did not stop Voldemort from pounding into his bread. "Harder," screamed Stalin. "Calm down honey, we don't want to rid our bread of air bubbles," replied Voldemort. They were making bread for tomorrow's adventure to Olive Garden before hunting down the Wicked Witch of the West. It was only then that Shrek burst into the room, spilling his Rajma Chawal onto the ground. "You absolute Jackasspepperd!ck, come back here. Do you know what it feels like up in the valley eating some molly tryna get holly but all these kids getting jolly," yelled their maid, Gordini Ahar Joyous Money. The maid was an essential part of the Voldemort family background as she was the first-ever person to actually hump Voldemort from the front and behind. She was the first person to actually remember Voldemort's birthday that came on February 31st. She made him feel special when all his cyclops friends had left him alone to suffer in the wild wild west of McDonald Jr. Chicken. She loved Voldemort when no one loved him before he even knew the meaning of love. However, she never got the chance to reveal her love for him. How could she, she had forty-eight children to take care of as well as her extremely filthy rich husband who was the king of the Netherlands. That's why whatever she said, mattered and if you didn't listen to her, she would bring in her spatula and grill Krabby patties on your face.

            The first time Voldemort saw her do this, he felt a feeling he had never felt before. He felt a shift in the cosmos, also known as the growing length in his skinny denim jeans because he was a cool guy. This was what Stalin had been attracted to in the first place. Ever since Stalin found Voldemort smashing his aunts in the middle of the grand empire state building, he knew he was the one. Nothing on the planet compared to the beautiful blue eyes of Voldemort except the bright blue panty and bra set Stalin had worn at their wedding. And nothing was paler than Voldemort's skin, or at least more pale than the time Stalin had discovered Voldemort's affair with Swiper and Boots. Stalin would have divorced him but the feeling of being a slut for Voldemort overcame him. Voldemort forced him to take a turn with everyone at the meeting of Versallies. How could Stalin ever leave his dear Voldemort, after all, Voldemort was also the best tingling he had. When Voldemort would stick his hotdog into Stalin's ketchup, the feeling Stalin would get was of one no dictionaries could explain. It was as if your mom was kneading dough to make them naans. As if Voldemort's rainbow had met the golden pot at the end and there were no leprechauns to interfere in their assertion of dominance. 

           So, as they continued on their adventure, Stalin was having a weird sensation in his belly again. It was time to finally give birth to a third baby. Why not the second? Because you would ask. Voldemort was even more worried this time, because how could Stalin possibly even give birth while his hotdog was still stuck in the grill. Voldemort even tried to take it out, but the expansion of the length was so major this time that it seemed no matter what he did, he couldn't get it out. He was stuck like actually stuck. But Stalin didn't seem to mind, he thought, who cares if Voldemort is stuck inside me, it feels like the tub has been clogged from all the rubbish about to discard my body, and plus, Voldemort was all the closer to my soul, closer to my heart, closer to my non-existent d!ck. Voldemort, on the other hand, was in sweats, to the point his nose was un-screwing and it seemed as if he couldn't stop screwing his wife either.

           Suddenly, Voldemort felt a strong feeling at his end. Fingers? What the hell is going on in Stalin? Stalin was three seconds away from exploding harder than ever. Voldemort pushes harder and harder but there were weird feelings coming from Stalin's internal princess parts. "Ah do you feel that baby," came Stalin. "I think the baby is trying to escape, quick I'll push it back in." Suddenly, Stalin felt the urge to puke yet again. He coughed and coughed harder as Voldemort continued the assault on his round derriere. A little body with half the body of a stallion and upper body of Bob the Builder climbed out of his mouth.

           Voldemort didn't know how to feel. This was the second most hideous thing he had seen in his life, next to his first creature he could hardly call a son. "It's so small," whispered Voldemort. "Aw it took after you, honey," responded Stalin. Voldemort picked him up and put him to his sweat covered chest, After a while of picking away his chest hairs, he revealed a perfectly round diamond bound nipple. He put the lips of their newly delivered baby to it and it sucked gently. An ocean of white slipped out Voldemort's pants. He adjusted the baby downwards to provide adequate nutrients. He touched the downside of the baby and gave it a light spank. The baby made a face of brief pleasure. Stalin continued to pull on his tail until a white liquid pooled at its feet. The baby was mesmerized and Stalin nodded in agreement. "What shall we call it?" questioned Stalin.

            King Viny Clasandrei Minolio Noseworth the fourth. That shall be his name.

            Meanwhile, all these extravagant procedures were taking place, Shrek watched from the distance. Wanting to join in. After all, he had not received the pleasure of being fed the most glorious of the baby essential food nutrients of the food pyramid. He was jealous. He was in a rage. And so, he slowly yet timidly walked towards his sexy parents in a rush. When he approached them even closer, he noticed something slimy. Something slimy coming from under his nether area. Since he was colour blind, or at least as he thought, it was a thicc, slimy and thin white substance. He was in confusion about what it was and so he walked up to his father and asked what it was. Voldemort responded, "Oh it's nothing son, it's just a representation of when you become a truly ugly man. When all your body parts finally begin to function. When all the desires of a man come out. When you finally realize that staring at the rear end of a nude baby is what makes your rolling pin roll. And don't worry son if you're scared, so was I when I first saw my own rear end. I was shocked at the wrinkly glory that it was and I also loved the rich and creamy taste of my liquid." Shrek had now finally begun to understand and so he asked his dad, " Before I taste mine and evaluate, can I taste yours to see the difference and see what will make me the truest form of a man." Voldemort loved the idea and so he took Shrek's head and slightly and slowly moved it towards his dad's fourth nipple. Shrek had a smile growing on his face. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I know you guys love our content and can't wait to see more, but you guys gotta wait for the love to unfold. Genius just doesn't happen like that, you know gotta give it some time. 

Cheers and tons of beers,

Your favourite authors,

Duela and Dent Versace Napier.