This was requested by LipstickStainFades
thank you so much for your request I really liked using the song for this one and hope you all love the way it came out!
Requests are still open and I would love to write something for you! Message me!
-Sav 🖤
You woke up to an empty bed as you had for nearly a month now. Calum being away for tour was always hard, this time the distance only seemed magnified by the fight you'd had before he'd left. It was possibly the worst in the two years you'd been dating. You'd never really resolved the issues, just brushing them aside and pretending to be fine until he'd left you crying at the airport. It had thrown off the balance in your relationship and neither of you seemed to be handling it well.
The phone calls you shared nightly seemed to have you both walking on eggshells and you longed for your usual laughter and sass filled banter. You had tried to apologize, the fight having been your fault after all. You didn't know why you always had to throw your sharpest words at him when you were upset, perhaps it was a defense mechanism, a way to save yourself but at the price of Calum's feelings.
All of your thoughts led you to the same conclusion: you had to do something. You contemplated all day what you could do to finally get your relationship on track but nothing seemed like a grand enough gesture, there were only so many things you could do from home. That thought gave you the idea and you quickly bought the ticket and dug out your suitcase from the back of the closet, shoving random clothes in, not really caring if they matched or were appropriate. Now that you had a plan, you wanted as little time as was possible separating yourself and Cal.
The flight seemed longer than a short hour and a half. Your knee bounced nervously the entire ride and you apologized profusely to the gentleman sat beside you. He just reassured you it was fine as you spilled your story distracting yourself from your nerves. When the plane finally landed and taxied in he bid you good luck, you knew you'd need it.
The cab ride through the city he was playing in seemed endless, your stomach twisting in knots and your body plagued with anxiety where usually excitement sat in this situation. For once, you didn't know if he'd be happy to see you.
Once at the arena you grabbed your bags and headed for the bus moving slowly as suddenly the rush to get here made no sense and dread of what he might say began to eat at you. You stared at the bus door for several moments before recoiling as the door swung open nearly hitting you. Luke's soft blue eyes met yours and a look of shock passed over his face.
"I'm glad your here, he's been really down the last few days." He gave you a friendly hug before continuing his walk to wherever it was he'd been headed, leaving the door open for you. You filled your cheeks with air before blowing it out slowly and ascending the tour bus steps.
The bus was near silent, you were only able to detect the muffled sounds of a video game coming from the back lounge.
"Cal?" You called softly as the game noises stopped.
"Y/N?" He called from the back. You left your bags in the front room and walked to where his voice had drifted from.
His eyes met yours and while there was excitement present in them it was clouded by obvious pain.
"Hey." You said softly.
"Hey."
"I'm uh-I'm gonna go." Micheal said pointing towards the front of the bus and moving past you with only a small smile and a pat on the shoulder.
"I'm surprised to see you here." He says with a trace of malice. "Since all our problems are my fault and due to my life."
"Calum—" your trailed off knowing you deserved his words and harsh tone. Apparently the even demeanor of your conversations since the airport could not be replicated when you were once again face to face.
He rubs his hands as his eyes and for the first time you notice they appear sunken in the bags underneath evident.
"Sometimes, sometimes you're the only thing I know. Like you're the only thing keeping me sane when I'm away for months and I get lonely. You are the thing I love most in the world. You're honest and loyal and so gorgeous I can't look away when you're in the room. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one in this whole-heartedly though, like if I didn't beg you to stay you wouldn't. You always try to push me away but when it's time for me to leave you cry and act like you can't live without me and it's infuriating. It's like even when I'm sleeping next to you, you feel like a stranger." His voice raises as he finishes his spiel his eyes glassy showing his frustration.
"I'm sorry--" you say the words dying as they leave your mouth because you aren't what else to say.
"Yeah, well. You're always sorry and I always believe it. I always listen to my heart instead of my head. I always let these god damn butterflies you give me lead me back to you and I don't know if I can anymore. You fight so dirty, like you have to make every hit a kill shot, like your heart has literal teeth,but then you come with all these pretty words and hands like a devil and we end up in bed with your hands all over me and me calling out your name and nothing really gets fixed."
"I'm sorry that I'm so shit at managing my emotions Calum, you know that's something I'm working on and you know I love you. You know that I won't give up, that I'll keep trying so we can make this better." Your voice catches in your throat as you try to hold the tears in. This was dangerous territory and you didn't like where this conversation seemed to be headed.
"Sometimes I think this could be a forever type thing. Like, damn it, sometime I look at you and see my fucking wife and other days it's like I don't even know who you are."
The tears spill over then, because for the first time you too were questioning who he was and if you two would survive this storm.
"How are we gonna fix this?" you whispered into the quiet that filled the lounge.
"I don't know, honestly." He replied turning to face you.
You brought your hands up to cover your face and you heard his light footsteps as he moved to put his arms around you. He never could stand to see you cry.
"I don't know baby. But I know I want to. As long as you don't either, I'll never, never, ever let go."
