Requested by -ASHTONICWIN and based on the song Ghostin' by Ariana Grande. This one's kind of dark but I'm happy with it and hope you enjoy 😊
Requests are open! Message me 🖤
The dreams always seemed so real. His hazel eyes, and sweet smile so genuine. He had always reserved his brightest smiles for you.
You missed his smile. You missed a lot of things about Ashton. You missed them, but you shouldn't. Every time the dreams ended you woke up with an immense amount of guilt, next to someone else.
The guilt usually brought tears. You tried so hard to keep all of your emotions inside. There was so much from your past relationship you had never gotten to work through and now it was too late. You'd always thought Ashton was endgame for you, and then he was gone.
You had tried to move on but how could you possibly love the man in your bed when your heart still so completely belonged to a man no longer alive? The new man was kind and patient and dead-set on being whatever you needed while you dealt with your grief but you knew in your heart you could never love again.
You know it breaks his heart but Ashton wasn't just some fling. He was your soulmate. In your dreams, when he comes to visit, you can almost fool yourself into thinking it was all a bad dream. Like he's still here. Like you'll wake up in the morning and he'll pull you closer to him in his sleep. Pressing soft kisses to your ear and neck, sucking gently on your collarbone and bringing you to life only the way he had had the ability to do.
You can imagine walking hand in hand with him in autumn. He knew it was your favorite season and he'd always planned numerous fall related activities for you because he knew you would love it. He had taken you to pumpkin patches, corn mazes, haunted houses, though only one of those because you'd been terrified, hikes, mountain trips, anything to make you smile.
He had always tried so hard but in all honesty you would have been smiling doing anything with him. He made everything better, and then he was gone. Now you were trying to live after him, where everything felt empty. Where no one would ever know you in the ways that he had. His ghost was still following you around and you weren't sure you would ever be free of it. You weren't sure you would ever want to be.
So the new man filled you bed and held you when you cried. He tried to comfort you but it was futile, only one person would be able to, and he was the only person that would never have the chance to.
You hated Ashton a little bit for leaving you. You had warned him his partying was getting out of hand. You had told him the things he did made him act different, that you didn't like who he was when he was using. He had promised he would quit, promised he would be a better man for you. He had let his demons overcome him and you had left, hoping that your absence would be the wake up call he needed to get his life together but he had only fell harder into that lifestyle allowing his demons to take control completely and ultimately costing him his life.
Now you had to live with the immense guilt and the many what-if's surrounding your part in his passing. Maybe that's why his memory haunted you so, you felt responsible. Whatever the reason you had given your heart to Ashton Irwin. He had given everything he was able and you knew that, you only wished you could have saved him, could have been the fix he needed. You knew that wasn't feasible or healthy but it didn't stop you from fantasizing about the beautiful boy who had taken your heart and carried it with him to his grave. You'd love Ashton forever, that was just a fact of life.
You should be moving on, allowing yourself to find new happiness with the living but that's not what you wanted. You wanted your Ash, even if it was just the ghost of him you got to love in your dreams.
