What the heart wants

45. The Fluttering Of Heart

I raided my cupboard for a dress fancy enough to wear in a gala. I didn't want to embarass myself in front of Xavier's colleagues by going underdressed. At the end, I was left with two choices; a red fitted gown and a blue spaghetti strap dress.

Whenever in doubt, go with Red.

After taking a long shower and drying my hair, I wore the dress and looked at my reflection in the mirror. The dress although plain, complimented my complexion and figure. After using multiple hair products to tame my hair, I tied them in a loose braided bun with few curls hanging freely. Because the dress was simple, I used my most sparkling pair of earrings.

I was slipping into my heels when the doorbell rang. With the speed of light, I scurried to the door and opened it, revealing Xavier dressed in a black three-piece suit. The struggle to not drool at his beauty was real. His hair was slicked back and his piercing blue eyes were shining due to some reason.

"You look stunning." he complimented me in his deep voice and my throat felt too parched to reply.

"Thanks." I managed to say with a smile.

"Ready?" he asked and I nodded.

He led me to his car and opened the door for me. Butterflies erupted in my stomach as I sat in the same car with him. I thought I had changed in these past four years but no; I was still the same girl who couldn't help but fawn over a certain man. It was disappointing but it was still true.

Throughout the drive, we didn't talk more than few exchanges of words but I caught him looking at me through the mirror multiple times. The night when he told me that he loved me flashed in front of my eyes and I wondered if he still felt something for me.

No. We aren't meant to be, we never were. He is just taking me as a friend. You shouldn't expect something else, Hazel.

The car stopped in front of a hotel. "I arranged an engagement ceremony here in Feb." I recalled.

"Now you get to find faults in the work of other party planners." he chuckled.

He stepped out of the car and walked towards my side to open the door but I beat him. "You don't have to do that. I can open the door for myself."

His smile widened at this, "I forgot that Hazel Martin doesn't need a man to open the door for her."

I shrugged in response and walked in front of him. We entered the hall where bright lights flashed in my eyes from everywhere.

God, why do some event planners go crazy with lights? Amateurs!

We walked side by side, his arm brushing against mine every now and then. For a moment, I felt the warmth of his hand on my back when he led me through the gate but when I stiffened, he pulled it away.

He walked towards a group of men and women dressed in fancy suits and gowns. They turned to Xavier when they noticed him and greeted him.

"Who is this pretty lady with you, Xavier?" a man asked, stepping forwards and and pulled his hand out for me.

"This is Hazel, my---" his eyes switched to me and he hesitated for a moment. "My friend."

"Hazel, these are the senior partners of my firm." he introduced me one by one to everyone. It was refreshing to know that the number of female senior partners exceeded the number of male. You go, ladies.

His colleagues were really nice. They didn't make me feel like I was a stranger or that we were meeting for the first time. Besides, I had always thought hotshot lawyers are uptight and rude which they weren't.

"So Hazel, how long have you known Xavier?" A girl Rebecca asked.

"Six years," I answered.

"Wow, you two must be close." she said and I gulped. I could feel Xavier's focused gaze on me but I didn't have courage to look at him.

After the food session, soft romantic music started to play. All the couples moved to the dance floor and started dancing.

Only Rebecca and a man was left with us because their spouses didn't attend the event.

"Come on, let's dance Bec." the man whose name was Andy said to her.

"Sure." she nodded and they both began to walk away, leaving us standing awkwardly. "Hazel, Xavier, come on." she motioned us when she reached the dance floor.
We both exchanged an uncomfortable look after which he pulled his hand out for me. After contemplating for a moment, I let our a sigh and held his hand.

We reached the dance floor and turned towards each other, the soft music playing in the background. His one hand held mine and his other hand gently lingered on my waist, causing tingles all over my skin.

In the dim light, we started to move along the rhythm. Xavier's eyes were staring into mine, their blueness and intensity making my heart flutter.

It would be a lie if I say his proximity didn't affect me. My hands itched to trace his royal nose, or his lips, or his angular jaw.

Somehow, the distance between us had decreased and now our faces were inches away. His Adam's apple moved up and down and his eyes lowered to my lips. Unknowingly, I darted my tongue out to wet my dry lips.

He leaned towards me, his breath caressing my skin. If I move my face a little, I would end up kissing him.

All the memories rushed back to my mind. Meeting him for the first time, falling for him, watching him with Jessica, our first kiss, his wedding and the moment when he said, I do.

"I need to go." I said and freed myself from his hold. His brows furrowed in confusion when I parted from him and made my way out of the hall. I could hear him rushing behind me but I didn't stop. Things were getting too complicated. Loving him had given me so much pain and I would not go through all this again.

"Hazel," his hand gripped my wrist, stopping me.

"Can you call me a cab? I need to leave." I said without looking into his eyes.

"But what happened?" he asked.

"Let me go back. I'm not feeling well." I said and attempted to free my hand.

He loosened his hold and then said, "I'll drop you."

"You don't have to." I whispered.

"It's okay. I'll drive you back." he said.

Throughout the drive, we didn't speak anything. Tears were accumulated in my eyes but I didn't let them free. I couldn't show him how pathetic I was, for loving him even after all those years.

He moved on, he had a kid while I was still there. Alone, weak Hazel who couldn't get over a guy.

Once he stopped the car in front of my house, I stepped out hurriedly.

"Hazel, just listen to me." he called my name but I didn't stop, not until I was standing in front of the door.

While I searched for the keys, he reached me. "Hazel," he called my name and attempted to touch my hand again but I pulled it away.

"I am not in for another heartbreak Xavier. The first time was difficult enough." I grieved, fighting the tears.

"I never wanted to break your heart Hazel." he sighed in a remorseful voice.

"But you did," I whispered.

His own eyes shone with moisture under the moonlight. "I couldn't leave her," he murmured, his face contorted in sadness.

"I know." I gulped the ball of nerves down my throat. "And that's why I couldn't hate you, not even if I wanted to."

Saying this, I went inside my apartment and locked the door.

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