ROGERS POV

489 18 20
                                    

We sit down on brian's bed and pull out our phones to play minecraft. i create a new world, and he joins.

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Brian walks back in with a bag of 'finger chips' and plops himself down on his bed next to me, and starts crunching them loudly. i put a couple of them on my fingers, and pretend i have claws. i drag one along the side of brian's face, and when he turns to look at me, i swear i made the ugliest face i could ever make. he looks at me, trying not to laugh. then he lightly shoves me to the side.

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Brian finds me a pair of black sweatpants. i hold them up to my face and smell them. "these smell like you bri" i quietly say. im absolutely exhausted. we've been up for so long, and i really need to get some sleep. brian gets me a tanktop and then heads to another room to get changed. i put on the sweatpants and tanktop, and then sit on brian's bed. im so tired i flop down on my back and go straight to sleep.

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i wake up at around 3 am and see that brian has put an air mattress beside his bed. how considerate of him not to wake me. he's holding my hand near his face. when i noticed this, i immediately took my hand from him, because i like him and this was a bit too much for me. i tuck my hand underneath the blankets. (also because its a bit cold) why was he holding my hand??and why was it near his face?? my train of thought is up and running again... and its going very fast. could brian actually like me? no... he couldn't. who in the world could ever be fucked up enough to like me? brians not fucked up at all. hes perfect. he could never EVER have feelings for someone like me. i turn myself over the side of the bed, and stare at brian. his hair is all flat on one side, and i can see the blankets rising and settling with every breath he took. i watch the blankets move up and down for maybe about 40 seconds, when he turns around on his other side. he's facing me now. his lips are slightly parted, and he's breathing through his mouth. i notice how his lips part a bit more whenever he exhales. its pretty dark right now, so i cant see his face in full detail. i flop back down on my back after getting a good long maybe 2 minute look at brian, and start thinking. how does it feel to lose your family at a young age? whats it like to have a nice family? brian would know... he lost a nice family... i never had a nice family. im treated like shit wherever i go. at school, like shit. at home, like a fucking piece of trash. the only person i know who's ever treated me right is brian. its probably only because i'm his only choice. he's not with me because he wants to be, but because he doesn't have anywhere else to go. he's just with me for the ride. i turn around and lean off the edge of my bed again to look at him. this time, i make enough noise turning that he wakes up. "w- what is it r- roger... wha- what are you doing aw- awake?" he asks in a whisper, rubbing his eyes gently. theres a bit of an awkward silence as i slowly sink back into Brian's bed. "nothing bri... couldn't sleep, thats all." he humms quietly in response and shuts his eyes again. "bri..." i ask in a whisper. "y... yeah ruh- rog?" he says. i open my mouth to say something, but the words wont form. "wh- bri what was it like to have a family?" i ask. there's another super awkward silence as brian too sinks back in his bed. "well... i- i dont rem- remember much of it that viv- that vivi- ugh... that vi... hmm... y- you know what i muh- mean..." he pauses. "you mean vividly?" i ask. "yeah... th- that." he replies "well... tell me what you do remember..." i say. he takes a long deep breath, and begins to speak. "well... its like... like you h- have... like you're pr- pro- protected... like... like you h- have someone... who you l- look up t- to... and... and who will pr- protect you no m- no matter what... and you k- you know yo- you're s-s- suh- safe with them... and... and they l- love you... y'know?" he says. that was alot of talking for him... and he didn't stutter that much either... 'brian, what you just described is you are to me.' i wanted to say to him, but i was afraid of what he would think. "i don't think I've ever felt like that about my own family... ever... or about anyone really... no..." LIES!! i lied to him... he feels like family to me... more than that actually... "well r- rog... you huh- have me" he says awkwardly. "now l- lets get some sl- sleep sh-shh... shall we?" he turns around in the other direction, as do i. "goodnight bri" i say. "goodnight r- roger"

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