𝕋𝕠𝕠 𝕄𝕦𝕔𝕙 𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕎𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕂𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕐𝕠𝕦 ~ 𝕄𝕒𝕪𝕝𝕠𝕣

BRIANS POV (rewritten)

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN: Nov 01, 2019

REWRITTEN: Mar 06, 2021

EDITED: Jun 08, 2022

(a/n: lol ive had even MORE experience with this shit since writing this. now its even MORE real.)

I heard something... shuffling... like footsteps nearing my bedroom.

you're just crazy, you stupid fuck. you're hearing shit. 

I've been sitting here for the past 3 hours staring at the wall, mumbling to myself. I'd finally come to the conclusion that I would end myself... today. The only question was how.

Maybe I'll slit my wrists again... only this time let everything go... 

Maybe I'll go to the roof and freefall...

Or jump off the edge of a bridge... 

Down a whole bottle of pills... 

Stick a fork in an outlet... 

Hang by a rope in the closet... 

I could drown myself...

Jump in front of a train...

I could starve...

Crush my head under the wheel of a car...

Maybe I'll soak myself in gasoline and light myself up...

My whole arm and part of my leg were now littered with little cuts... I took the blade up again and sliced my thigh maybe 8 or 9 times; little red beads forming at the lines. 

I heard the shuffling again. Either I was really losing it now or there was really someone in the apartment. 

I hunched over, elbows resting on my blood-covered knees. I fiddled with the blade in my hand, gliding my fingertips along the edge, just enough to make it hurt. 

The shuffling sounds like it's right at my door... 

"Bri..." A familiar raspy voice says, just above a whisper. 

It's Roger's voice... now look at you, you stupid faggot, you want him so much, you think you hear his voice. 

you're so pathetic.

just do it already you stupid fuck

I respond to Roger's voice anyway...

"r-..r-og?" 

"Can I come in?"  He asks... It's really him... I'm not losing it... He's actually here for me... Although I barely believe it, he's really here...

"y-yes..."

He walks in... I see him... he's finally here to help...

"Brian wh-"

"Rog, I'm so sorry." I can feel the tears well up in my eyes and I drop the blade... I wonder how it makes him feel to see me like this. 

"Bri, don't worry... It's ok... I'm here, it's alright." He sits next to me and wraps his arms around him as I do the same soon after. I press my face into his chest and I can hear myself begin to sob... His smell makes me feel safe... It makes me feel protected and loved... It reminds me of all the times he's been there for me... 

"Roger I'm so sorry... I'm so so sorry" I manage to form some words between choppy breaths. "I shouldn't have worried you... I'm so sorry. This is my fault."