𝕋𝕠𝕠 𝕄𝕦𝕔𝕙 𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕎𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕂𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕐𝕠𝕦 ~ 𝕄𝕒𝕪𝕝𝕠𝕣

BRIANS POV

this is the 39th chapter 🎉

thats my battery right now.

this is my favourite photoshoot.

lol sorry the last one was so short :)

ok lets start

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i sit up on my bed and check the time. its 4:39am... should i go to sleep? i dont want to be awake.

I lay back down and gaze up into the black darkness. I think about how alone I am.

no more roger

Richie and Eddie have already moved away

everyone around me is homophobic

I don't have any parents

I don't realize that a tear is gliding down my cheek. I turn over on my side and shove my face into my pillow. I take a deep breath in through my nose and my asthma starts again.

I feel around the dark for my inhaler but its nowhere to be found. I feel in my back pocket. there it is. I puff it a couple of times and I can breathe again. I put my inhaler back in my pocket and lay down.

I shut my eyes trying to get back to sleep but it isn't working. I keep thinking about how Roger abandoned me for Anjelica.

I bury my face in my hands and eventually drift off to sleep.

🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋

I just sat there. for a whole 7 hours. I sat there in bed, motionless. all day. I didn't want to do anything at all.

didn't want to go to school. I would get rog and Anjelica rubbed in my face all day.

didn't want to play my guitar. too loud, too much effort, not in the mood.

didn't want to eat anything either. to be honest, I'd rather starve.

i don't want to do anything. I just want to lay here and let my useless little lonely life waste itself away.

I don't even think that much anymore. my phone is probably blocked up with messages from roger telling me that i should learn to like Anjelica. doesn't he see how much she hates me? its like he wants to put me through Anjelica's mental torture.

sitting here away from everyone is better for me. all i ever was to roger was a problem anyway. without me, he wouldn't get bullied for looking gay.

If I hadn't been slammed up on those lockers on the first day, Roger would've never gotten caught up in my sad miserable lonely life. its my fault i'm like this.

my fault i chose to go to school this year instead of just staying home and taking online courses. i was doing alright alone here with my grandma and Tobi and the 2 internet friends i had who've now drifted away from me. and then I had to go fuck it up, trying to be normal.

I get really frustrated with myself when I'm like this. I get angry and I take it all out on myself. it's gotten way worse lately.

I pull on my hair again but this time it doesn't work. I'm still as stressed as I was. I try scratching again.

I drag my nails over my arms and my face. it does something... but not enough.

i know its way too short but i have to switch the pov now so :/ i'll be back really soon i promise.