Arranged or Love?

13

11 October 2019

13th chapter, y'all! I hope you all love it. It's for sure a crazy one! ;)

"Your world would be easier without me in it." - Chuck Bass
"That's true. But it wouldn't be my world without you in it." - Blair Waldorf

Gosh. This quote is one of my favourite ever quotes! From Gossip Girl ❤️

Alayna's POV

For the next two weeks, I stay in my room, only going downstairs at mealtimes. I don't eat much, I don't talk much to my family or to anyone. The hospital has given me three weeks off from work, because I'm still recovering from my head injury and also from emotional trauma.

I feel too guilty to talk to anyone. Hanna and Aliya visit me several times, but I keep the meetings short, making excuses and saying that I'm tired. However, I can't fall asleep these days, either. Whenever I close my eyes, I recall that dirty man on top of me, I recall him pulling my hair and trying to touch me with his filthy hands. The memory of Zayan getting shot doesn't leave my mind for a single second. I can hear his voice in my mind, I can't get his perfect, pain-filled face out of my head. His beautiful blue-brown, bloodshot eyes. I cover my ears, wanting all the dreadful memories to stop. Wanting to fall asleep. But I can't.

The last two weeks, I've been falling asleep with the help of sleeping pills. But still, I don't sleep for longer than five hours any night.

It's been exactly two weeks, and I'm sitting at the dining table with my family for dinner. They're all looking at me worriedly, wanting me to speak. Wanting me to smile. But I can't. I can't do anything, after that. Zayan got shot because of me. He was in such a bad state. He was in so much pain. He had to have a major surgery to remove the bullet.

He was so lucky that the bullet didn't penetrate any of his organs. It was lodged so close to his heart, so close. He's lucky to be alive.

He woke up late that night after surgery, in tremendous pain. He's still in pain, but he's healing. I don't know how I'll ever be able to meet his eyes, after what I caused to happen. It's all my fault. If he hadn't come to save me, perhaps I wouldn't be here right now, but at least he'd be fine. At least he wouldn't be in hospital, recovering from a near-death experience.

'Alayna?' Mum starts, giving me a small smile.

I glance at her and return the smile with a forced one. My face hurts to smile.

"Yes, Mum?" I reply, clearing my throat slightly. I drink a sip of water. My throat feels extremely dry.

'Zayan's been discharged from the hospital, earlier today. He's been asking about you. You should go to see him,' she tells me gently.

My heart aches, and I close my eyes, not wanting the tears to spill. I don't want to cry in front of anyone. I can't. He's been discharged! I whisper a quiet prayer and try to calm my racing heart.

I shake my head, opening my eyes which are filled with tears. "I can't, Mum. I can't go and see him," I say, my voice breaking.

Yusuf Bhai holds my arm gently, giving me a small smile. 'Alayna, stay strong. I know it's difficult for us to say, but you need to be strong. He's fine now, he's recovering very well. We've all been to see him at the hospital nearly everyday since he got shot, but you haven't visited him even once. Why?'

"H-how can I? How can I go to see him? How can I meet his eyes?" I respond, a tear escaping. I wipe it away.

'None of it was your fault, Alayna. It wasn't at all your fault,' Dad tells me gently.