Juliana & Her Big Surgery 🩰

iii. literally perfection

♚♚♚

"I was off my game today," Lucy grumbles as she swings open the stall door. "I need to get back on track. THIS is why I can't go to the movies!"

Lucy inches closer to the bathroom mirror. She traded in her black leotard and pink ballet flats for a large, striped shirt that slips off her shoulders, navy blue skinny jeans, and gray Vans. She loops a silver owl necklace over her head and lands it on her chest.

I melt into the cold, emerald tile floor. My gaping eyes twitch at the flickering light above.

"Julie? Are you not gonna change?" Lucy asks in concern.

"I'm just drained, I guess," I mumble. "Today was the most embarrassin' day of my life."

Hopefully modern dance will be better tomorrow, I comfort myself. And, I'll get to wear the purple leotard this time.

But right now, I don't think the reassurance is working. I can't even face myself in the mirror. I know I look like a sweaty zombie.

"Calvet made one comment at both of you. I'd say you're doin' alright," Lili says while cracking open the other stall door. She steps out wearing a white Paris shirt painted with a rosy doodle of the Eiffel Tower, a hot pink skirt, and salmon sneakers.

"I don't want her to make any comments at me, period," Lucy replies. "At least you can take criticism well."

Lili pulls off her scrunchie and lets her curly hair spring out. "Y'all are just stressin' your hearts out over somethin' that isn't personal."

"Well, it's someone pointin' out your flaws. How can it not be personal?" I add. "Criticism feels like a stab in the heart to me. I hate it when I do somethin' wrong."

"How are you gonna get better if no one tells you what you're doin' wrong?" Lili says while checking her phone. "Also, Diamond says hi."

"Tell him I said hi back," Lucy adds.

"Same," I say. "Anyways, Lil, it ain't that simple. Every time I make a mistake, the whole world jumps on me like a hyena. I can't tell what I'm doin' wrong anymore."

"Your mom just sucks, then. So does everyone else! It's okay to make a mistake!" Lili yells.

Lucy turns her back to the mirror; pondering into space while twirling the silver owl between her fingers. Then, she asks, "Are y'all auditioning for the solo? I think I'm gonna do it."

All the ballet classes participate in the recital, but the solos are given to the older kids because they can handle being by themselves on stage. This year, we're finally old enough to be given one solo for our class. The problem is, it might already be picked out.

"Yeah! You totally should, Luce!" Lili encourages her.

Then, Lucy tilts her head to the sky and lets out a chesty groan. "Wait. I forgot about Ashley Howard. Everyone says that she's literally perfection."

My arms cross like an X over my chest at that name. I dig my nails into my shoulders, probably leaving crescent shaped marks.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with Ashley Howard. She's never been mean to any of us. But she's been out sick for two weeks, and once she comes back she'll be the best dancer in class again. She's the only person I know who's taking both Ballet 5 AND somehow advanced enough to take pointe.

When I first saw her dance, my stomach churned at how accurate her moves were, how in control she was of her body, and how one change in her facial expression can make an entire audience weep.