Juliana & Her Big Surgery 🩰

ix. strawberry jam filling

♚♚♚

I flutter my eyes open, and squint at the light stabbing my pupils.

"She's awake," a deep, wise voice, but one I don't recognize, states.

"She is? Julie? Can you hear me?" A voice I DO recognize, Mommy's, asks.

I nod my head yes. Dark, geometric shapes cloud my vision for a few seconds. Once that clears up, I look around. The sterile scent of bleach and hand sanitizer is overwhelming; enough to burn my nostrils. The coldness of the room causes me to form tiny bumps on my arm, making my invisible blonde hairs stand up. I look up and see a tile ceiling. Then, I notice the bed that I'm placed on has plastic borders that stop me from getting out on either side. A paper band clings to my wrist. I'm...in a hospital?

My parents sit next to a doctor in a white lab coat. Mommy whips out the vlog camera again to film.

"Hey, guys. So Julie's in the hospital after some accident that happened while she was auditioning for her solo. We're here with her, her daddy, and the doctor right now," Mommy narrates.

"Juliana, my name is Dr. Marlen. I'm an orthopedic surgeon who specializes in spinal surgery. Right now, you're in Utopos Medical Centre."

He called me Juliana, I think. My full, grown up name.

I turn my gaze towards him. Wrinkles mark his face, making his skin droop just a tiny bit. The light from the tile ceiling shines on his bald head. His nose is pinched and red.

"Now, you're a ballerina, right? So you know how important posture is."

"Yeah...I do. So, why am I here?" I question.

"I'm curious, have you started your menstrual cycle, yet?"

He only said it once, but once was enough to make the whole room go silent and for Mommy to lower the camera.

"Dr. Marlen—" Mommy chokes out. She quickly taps her throat, as if she's trying to cough up the words. "Ahem. Excuse me. Dr. Marlen, I mean no offense, but I don't think this is something you should be askin' my daughter."

"With all due respect, Mrs. DeAngelas, I am a doctor and I need to know because it's crucial information to find out what's going on with Juliana—"

She lifts her pointer finger in the air, nearly waging it at him. "Julie."

"Julie," he corrects.

"Well, it just seems like personal information to be askin' a teenage girl. Isn't that right, Steven?"

Daddy returns to Earth again, and slides up in the hard-cushioned chair. "Yeah, well—let's hear the doctor out, Paulie. Before we jump to any conclusions—"

"Conclusions? I can't believe what I'm hearin'. God, men don't know anything. They certainly don't know anything about periods," Mommy grumbles.

"Would you like me to ask for a nurse?"

"I'll answer it," I finally say before things get ugly. "Yeah, I did start my period. I started a couple weeks ago."

"How did it feel? Did it hurt at all on your back?"

I raise my brow. "It's supposed to, right?"

"Did your back pain increase during and/or after?"

Come to think of it, it is suspicious that after I was done I started feeling the same heavy pain I hadn't felt in years. I don't think there's such a thing as post-period cramps, either.

"After," I respond.

Then, Dr. Marlen takes out X-rays from a metal binder. My parents shoot up from their seats and crowd his shoulders, trying to make sense of it. Mommy can't resist, so she lifts the camera to her eye and the lens zooms in, like a magnifying glass looking at a Petri dish. Meanwhile, he points at specific areas and marks them with a red sharpie.

"So, you say she's been having back pains for the last...three weeks? Even after the period has ended?" He says to Mommy.

"Yes. I just thought it was nervous pains...you know?"

Dr. Marlen glares at her for a second; as if he thinks that she's crazy. Then he points to my back on the X-rays again.

"You see this slight curve that turns into a 'S'?That's called a sideways curvature of the spine. That's an indication that she has scoliosis. Now, there are different types. But, it seems to me that she has Adolescent Idiopathic Scoliosis. Usually, someone with this condition would have their spine curved at less than twenty-five degrees, which makes it more into a 'C' shape. But, your daughter's is curved at forty-five degrees. When I examined her, I noticed that her shoulders and hips were asymmetrical. Juliana, did that ever hinder you in ballet?"

"I...um...I mean-"

Then, an image of me flashes across my eyes. I'm in class—with tears about to stream down my face because of the stress of struggling to keep my body straight.

"Yes." I answer.

Mommy's breath hitches. "So, Doctor, what do we do? Is this a permanent thing?"

"Normally, it's not nearly as bad to the point where it feels like a bowling ball rolling on your spine—is that what it feels like, Juliana?"

I nod again.

"Yeah—in your daughter's case I'm a bit afraid that if she feels pain this intense right now, it can progress the more it's left untreated. This can include difficulty breathing, nerve damage, physical deformity, etcetera. So, I suggest starting treatment now. I'm going to order a series of diagnostic tests to further determine what's going on with your spine so we can treat it accordingly."

"What is that?" I ask hoarsely, trying to hide the panic in my voice as well.

"We spend five days going through scans and lab tests in preparation for your spinal fusion surgery on the sixth day. You see, your curve is very severe so we need to prevent it from getting worse...this is to lessen the curve..."

Surgery.

I'm going to have...surgery.

I can't do ballet.

I'm gonna lose total control of my body because of the anesthesia. 

Who knows how long recovery is going to be.

They're going to cut me open and dig into my spine!

I shudder at the thought. My back feels tingly now, as if it can already feel the precision knife slicing my skin, spurring out my blood like it was a strawberry jam filling.

"Guys," I hear the lens zooms in. "Look at Julie's face. It's okay, baby."

Mommy pats my head with her free hand, in an attempt to comfort me, but it just makes me flinch.

"When do we start?" Daddy asks.

"Tomorrow."