Juliana & Her Big Surgery 🩰

v. ashley howard

♚♚♚

I lay against the mint tile wall; letting the coldness seep into my bare back. Lili dashes into a salmon-pink bathroom stall while Lucy calmly approaches her reflection. She leans forward and applies gooey, strawberry gloss over her lips.

My lower back feels so...heavy. It's feels like an invisible baby elephant is crushing me with its foot. I bite my lip at the pain.

"You okay?" Lucy asks.

"Yeah. I dunno. My back hurts," I reply in spaces.

"You need some Advil?"

"Yes, please."

Lucy rummages through her rehearsal purse to take out a sandwich bag full of dark green pills. She opens the bag, plucks one out, and drops it over my palm.

"Thank you," I say.

I quickly shove the pill in my mouth and swallow. When I was younger, I used to be scared of choking on the pills I took. But, if you'd had my mommy you learn to suppress all pain. Because if you truly loved something, nothing will get in the way.

"Hey, Lili? Are you and Diamond still havin' that fight?" Lucy asks.

I furrow my brow. "You guys had a fight?"

"It was a disagreement. But, he's probably not gonna come to lunch today."

"Are you guys gonna break up? Do you not love him anymore?" I immediately spit out.

"What? No, girl. We're fine. We just need some space," Lili answers.

Then, the door opens and in comes a girl who looks like the embodiment of a vanilla cupcake, topped with a bow sticking out of her strawberry-blonde bun. The expensive Gucci bag that she can't help but show off swings under her wrist. Ashley. Freaking. Howard.

Lucy greets her with a shimmering smile. "Hey, Ashley! Long time no see! You feelin' better?"

She splashes her hands under the sink water. "Probably. That flu was so intense. I've never had anythin' that bad before."

Even when she had the flu, she was prettier than I ever could be. Her face wasn't oily and chubby. It was V-shaped. She has rosy cheeks. And small freckles sprinkled across her face like constellations. Plus her blue eyes are huge and doll-like. A totally unique look that people would eat up.

Lucy caps the tube of gloss. "Well, you survived! Why weren't you with us at class today?"

"My mom didn't want me straining myself, so she told me I could have a half day."

It takes all of my energy not to roll my eyes. I twitch the muscles in my fingers instead.

"Hey, do you think I could borrow that for a sec? I promise I don't have germs or anything like that," she asks. Normally, Lucy is a stickler for germs. Even one sneeze in her general direction could set her off. But because it's Ashley, she gives her the lipgloss.

"How's takin' pointe?" Lucy continues.

"Hard," she replies instantly. "I went through like two pairs of pointe shoes in a week. And I have to finish this class on top of takin' pointe, so it's a bit stressful."

"Oh, that's somethin'. Did Madame Calvet tell you about the solo auditions?"

She sharply whips her head towards Lucy. "Solo auditions? When?"

"In two weeks."

"I'm definitely goin' for that—"Ashley's phone interrupts her mid-thought. She unzips her bag to silence the ringing.

Then, she tosses Lucy the tube. "It's my mom, I gotta take this. It was nice talkin' to you guys!"

"Same here," we all say.

"Salut, Mama!" She says while putting the phone to her ear. "Non—ecoute ecoute! Je suis d'accord. Je n'ai pas besoin de prendre de medicaments..."

Ashley twiddles her fingers in the air, as if she were waving goodbye to an audience at the pageant show. Then she walks out the door.

"Wow. Ashley can speak French?" Lucy says.

"Of course she can speak French. Like you said, she's perfect," I comment.

"Well, she IS really nice and good at ballet, that's for sure," Lucy continues.

I let out a depleted sigh. "Man, you shouldn't have said anything about the auditions."

"I dunno what you expected me to say. She was gonna come back to class regardless."

I bang my bun against the hard wall. "I know, but now she has a reason to tell her mom to stop the half days. Now we'll never have a chance."

"Huh."

I blink. "What?"

"That really makes me feel bad when you say that," Lucy admits.

"Wait, really? Why?" I ask back.

"Because you're sayin' that she's the only good ballerina."

"Well, obviously she's not— I just thought we were on the same page that she's more skilled than we are."

Lucy turns her back to the countertop. She folds her arms over her chest, like a shield protecting her heart.

"If bein' on the same page means that I have to degrade my own skills, then I don't want to be on the same page. You know, it's so easy for you to talk about how great Ashley is, but you never say anything about us, and we're literally your best friends," Lucy points out.

"I'm sorry, Lucy. All I was tryin' to say is that I really wanted a chance for someone else to get the spotlight besides her," I explain.

"You mean you, right?"

I was left speechless. I couldn't move my lips to comfort her. To say sorry again. Because I would say the wrong words. She reverts her eyes from me and shrinks.

Lucy hangs her head, staring only at the ground. "I gotta go to my next period. I don't want to be late."

"Lucy, I'm sorry!" I plead.

She swings open the exit and lets gravity speak for her. The stall door cracks open behind me, followed by a flush. I turn to face Lili.

"I really messed up, didn't I?"

"It's okay," Lili comforts me. "We just want a little support, you know? That's all she's tryin' to say."

Later that night, I continue with my audition prep. I approach the calendar in my room and circle the dreaded day with a red sharpie. The 28th. I have two weeks.

The next day, Ashley came back with a bang. She was on point with her moves; stronger, balanced, and more graceful than ever before. The entire class ogles at her. Even Madame Calvet was shocked that she didn't have to give her any corrections—just approving nods and thin-lipped smiles.

And just when I thought I had a chance...how am I supposed to beat that?