Juliana & Her Big Surgery 🩰

i. star-bound

♚♚♚

• August, 2012 •

My eyes follow the line of twinkling stars in the night sky. I smush my nose against the car window glass to get as close as possible.

When I was really little, I secretly read space books underneath my bedsheets. Even though my eyes burned from the sharp flashlight, I didn't care. Because I learned that there are eighty-eight constellations in the sky, and they have the most beautiful names like "Andromeda". The thing is, if I wasn't in love with ballet, I'd totally be an astronomer or an astronaut. Maybe after I'm gone I can visit the stars.

Mommy whips out our new cylinder pet: the vlogging camera. The moment I see a tiny, red dot blinking over her eye, I knew it was wide awake. 

She clears the slime in her throat to say, "What did we just do, Julie?"

I turn to face the camera. It's my turn to feed it.

"We just did a ballet competition," I answer, leaning forward in the leather seat to stretch my aching legs.

"And, what happened? How did you do?"

That question causes me to squirm. I kick my feet, burying my face in my hands while the itchy seatbelt scratches my collarbone.

"Julie, can you sit up so we can see your beautiful face?"

I grunt before lifting my head. "I feel like people aren't gonna like it as much because it's not UBC."

"It's still impressive either way," Daddy chimes in.

Mommy spins her hand, telling me to crank up the response. "Don't be shy! Tell our viewers how you did."

"I won first place and I got gold," I reveal while showing off the gold-painted, heavy trophy sitting next to me.

"That's my girl! You know what's next, right?"

Me and the camera have a staring contest while Mommy scrunches half her face behind the lens. Soft bars of light shudder against her head, animating the fangs in her smile. I know it's supposed to be comforting because, duh, she's my mom. But I would be lying if I said it didn't send a tiny shiver down my spine.

"Lana Meredith's," I finally say.

Aka, the school with one of the best ballet programs in the country. The teachers there have covered all the bases. Some were in professional companies, and they get millions of views on their performances. Others trained in brutally strict schools across Russia and France. A couple even starred on Broadway!

So, of course, I spend every waking moment thinking about going there. Last year, they posted an open call audition to their Facebook page. The two students chosen were given a full-ride scholarship. I'm still recovering from the embarrassment of not making it past the first round.

"This is good, Julie. If you can just apply what you did tonight for your next Lana Meredith's audition, they won't know what hit them. There's no way they won't accept you this time."

I tighten my lips into a smile until the camera's attention barks for Mommy.

"Unfortunately, we can't go to dinner because it's time for Julie to go 'do-do'," Mommy laughs airly, but her nails itch the growing rash on her chin. "Remember when we used to say that, Steven? When she was a tot?"

Daddy nods stiffly. "Mhm. I had to teach you that phrase so my Mama wouldn't shake her head at you."

Daddy is proudly from Lafayette, one of the happiest cities in Louisiana (according to Google). When Mommy met him in college, she gladly let his upbeat spirit possess her just so she could keep up with him.

"The good thing is, we have tomorrow to celebrate!" Mommy narrates. "I think we're all wiped out, aren't we?"

"Mhm," Daddy and I say.

"As soon as we get home, we're gonna hit the hay. Then we'll take y'all with us to brunch tomorrow!" She sings. "Can't wait!"

Then, Mommy shuts off the camera. She silently turns back to the windshield like a machine that's been turned off. I crumple in my seat, hugging my arms. It seems like these days, the only time she talks to me is when the camera is on.

Suddenly, a sharp pain shoots up my back. Like if someone accidentally stabbed you with a needle while prepping your costume. I wince, pressing my fingertips into my doughy, tough skin.

"You alright, cher?" Daddy asks.

"I just felt this sharp pain on my back all of a sudden."

"Uh oh. That can't be good..." he trails off. I can see the dark silhouette of his pointy nose turn to Mommy. "Do you think it's...?"

Mommy gasps. A deep gasp from the pits of her lungs. A gasp that tells me I might be in trouble. "Julie? Are you a woman?"

My face immediately burns in embarrassment. Oh my freaking gosh.

I can't believe I'm saying this to my parents, but I tell them, "It doesn't feel like I peed my pants, so it's probably not that."

Peed my pants, what am I, six?

"Oh!" Mommy laughs. "Then it's probably just dancin' pains. You did work your butt off today, it would only be natural."

"Maybe it's that. You can take it," Daddy adds.

I lift my knees to my chest, and cringe in silence. The only thing that can possibly soothe me are the highway drones humming beneath us. I'm totally ready for the stars to take me now.

♚♚♚

"Why the hell does she look like that..."

"Look like what, Paulina?"

"Watch the video again. Don't you see anything wrong? Her shoulders are uneven and her right arm and leg is longer than her left."

"She's eleven. She'll grow."

"No, Steven. You're not gettin' it. She can't be a dancer if her posture's all screwed up."

"She's eleven. She's fine."

"I guess I'll have to tell her to straighten her back more..."

Nobody knows this, but the first thing that wakes up are my ears. I crack my eyes open enough to see two giant heads swirling over me. Then, I hear my seat belt unclick.

"Wha-" I croak out.

Suddenly, I feel lifted off of my seat and someone's meaty arm against my legs. I try moving my toes, but they wiggle in the air. Am I floating?

Then, I feel slimy, wet lips kiss the top of my forehead. When it leaves a sticky mark, I know it's from Mommy's mouth. She told Daddy my body sucks, and yet she kissed me. I shudder, but I'm too tired to push her away.

"Sweet dreams, Julie," Mommy whispers, making my hairs stand up. "I'll see you in the morning."